What every Man and Woman wants to hear.

THE MEN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A WOMAN REALLY WANTS WHEN SHE SAYS....
"We need" = "I want"
"It's your decision " = "The correct decision should be obvious by now."
"Do what you want" = "You'll pay for this later."
"We need to talk" = "I need to complain"
"I'm not upset" = "Of course I'm upset, you moron!"
"You're so... manly" = "You need a shave and you sweat a lot."
"Be romantic, turn out the lights." = "I have flabby thighs."
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = "I want a new house."
"I need wedding shoes" = "The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white."
"Hang the picture there" = "NO, I mean hang it there!"
"I heard a noise" = "I noticed you were almost asleep."
"Do you love me?" = "I'm going to ask for something expensive."
"How much do you love me?" = "I did something today you're really not going to
like."
"I'll be ready in a minute " = "Kick off your shoes and find a good game
on T.V."
"Is my butt fat?" = "Tell me I'm beautiful."
"You have to learn to communicate." = "Just agree with me."
"Are you listening to me!? " = "Too late, you're dead."
"Do you like this recipe?" = "It's easy to cook, so you'd better get used
to it."
"I'm not yelling!" = "Yes, I am yelling because I think this is important."

THE WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN REALLY WANTS...
"I'm hungry." = "I'm hungry."
"I'm sleepy." = "I'm sleepy."
"I'm tired." = "I'm tired."
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = "I'd eventually like to have sex with
you."
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = "I'd eventually like to have sex with
you."
"Can I call you sometime?" = "I'd eventually like to have sex with you."
"May I have this dance?" = "I'd eventually like to have sex with you."
"Nice dress!" = "Nice cleavage!"
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = "I want to fondle you."
"What's wrong?" = "What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are
you going through now?"
"What's wrong?" = "I guess sex tonight is out of the question. "
"I'm bored." = "Do you want to have sex?"
"I love you." = "Let's have sex now."
"I love you, too." = "Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!"
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = "I liked it better before."
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = "$50 and it doesn't look that much
different!"
"Let's talk." = "I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep
person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me."
"Will you marry me?" = "I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with
other guys."
"I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together." = "I am gay.