Copyright © 1998 - 2006.   All rights reserved.

Terms are subject to change without notice. Read at your own risk. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Hand wash only. Tumble dry on low heat. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle. Your mileage may vary. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. This message is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Caveat emptor. Message is provided 'as is' without any warranties. Reader assumes full responsibility. An equal opportunity message. No shoes, no shirt, no message. Quantities are limited. While supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Parental advisory -- explicit lyrics. Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable. Parental guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight. Keep away from pets and small children. Limit one-per-family please. No money down. No purchase necessary. You need not be present to win. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Instructions are included. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Slippery when wet. Safety goggles may be required during reading. Sealed for your protection. Do not read if safety seal is broken. Call before you dig. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. For external use only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading. Read only with proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Keep away from open flames. Avoid contact with eyes and skin. Avoid inhaling fumes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near a flammable of magnetic source. Smoking this message could be hazardous to your health. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. No salt, MSG, artificial color of flavoring added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician. Offer valid only at participating sites. Slightly higher west of the Rockies. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Must be 18 or older to read. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, 'earthquakes, hurricanes and other acts of God', neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this disclaimer, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not to be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, photon torpedoes, napalm, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives stones, etc.).

Other restrictions may apply. ;-)