Dear Autotheocus,

    The doctors tell me that you have miraculously come out of your coma. Thank science for such lifesaving accomplishments. Since you and I were such close friends before your long sleep, they thought it best that I fill you in on the last seven years - you have missed a lot!

    I don't know if you remember what occurred that Autumn day when the unthinkable happened. I have heard that coma victims often remember everything right up to but not including the traumatic event. I'll just go over events that led up to that day, and bear with me if this is redundant. You probably remember that in the years leading up to it, Russia had collapsed after years of attempting to convert to a free market system. The internal corruption and graft made this outcome inevitable. The people were starving, and the state employees had not been paid in who knows how long. The government began to come apart, and the old line communists tried to take power. The post-"Cold War" warriors longed for the prestige and power that once was theirs, and the people in general were in search of the national identity which was lost when communism fell. The old timers were quoted as saying, "at least we had food to eat and order when Stalin was in power."

    A right wing nationalist who was pro-Islamic and an vehement anti-Semite courted the Arabs for oil money. He got the money to put him in power and prop up his new Russian government. Of course, he promised the Mohammedans nuclear weapons and technological know-how (much of which had already slipping out of Russia due to disintegrating security). Once the Comrade consolidated power, he called for a new Russian pride based on its military heritage. He spoke of the glory days, and convincingly presented his case against the Jews, the power brokers of democracy, who had used the Russian people as economic fodder. He openly courted the Islamic vote in his southern territories and aligned himself with the Arabs in a jihad against the Zionist state, at least in principle (of course, all this was propaganda designed to gain more wealth and power from Islamic bankroll).

    As politics would have it, at the end of all this rhetoric, the Arabs called his bluff and demanded a joint attack on Israel. The Comrade was trapped, since all that oil money was the only thing propping up his regime. He had to agree to their demands. Caught between Iraq and a hard place (he has been courting Sadam Hussein since the Gulf War), he mobilized his new "red" Z super soldiers for a surprise attack on Israel. As the United States grew apprehensive about what surveillance revealed about the Middle East, a rogue fundamentalist faction led by Mohammed Ben Allah launched a newly purchased medium range missile with nuclear warheads at America (to force the Satanic decadent Western Evil's hand).

    Faced with the impending Russian/pan-Islamic invasion of Israel, our mutual defense treaty partner, the President had moments to retaliate against the aggressors. On top of this, it appeared that it had been launched from Russian territory (Due to a careful placement of the launch platform by the terrorists). The President tried to get through to the rogue Russian dictator, but communications had been sabotaged. The Islamic fanatics had started the Jihad to destroy the Great Satan.

    The missiles flew between the Cold War adversaries, and the Russian troops were almost totally wiped out. Only one out of six Russian soldiers made it back to the holocaust which awaited them at home. They retreated all the way to the most northern reaches of Siberia to avoid radioactive contamination. Millions of people were reported missing but was impossible to account for so many people in the aftermath of such an unprecedented disaster. America was almost bombed back to the Stone Age. Needless to say, the world was in a terrible mess, and no one seemed to know how to put it back together again.

    In the midst of all this confusion, the strangest thing was the disappearance of millions of persons. I don't mean just the victims of warfare, but bona fide cases of absolute vanishment. Some in New Age circles believed that these survivors couldn't make the transition into the higher level of consciousness and had to be removed to another dimension for evolutionary reprogramming by the higher powers. Our new Leader is rumored to be one with these higher powers, if you know what I mean (a la Close Encounters, E.T., Alien Nation, Star Trek, Deep Space 9, Babylon 5, the Arrival, The Final Conflict, and a host of others).

    Out of the ashes of this military tragedy have arisen two new power blocks. The first is the reformed United States of Europe (USE), which for the most part survived the war unscathed, and is the successor to the European Common Market. The other is a totally post-W.W.III initiative, a newly confederated group of Oriental states. This Far Eastern development consists of an alliance between Japan, Korea, China, and Southeast Asia - they refer to themselves as the Kings of the East.

    Our new Leader is a political genius and technological wizard who claims to have received his unique abilities from alien visitors. He set up a peace contract with the surviving Israeli Kinesset and vowed "never again." Since he is Jewish by heritage and a direct descendent of concentration camp survivors (although a practicing spiritualist), he was welcomed with open arms and heralded as the political savior the nation has been waiting on. His policies have brought peace to the Middle East. As a result, he has been heralded throughout the earth as the Prophesied One, a reference to the new age Messiah. They call him by various names, but ultimately he has chosen a title himself which only his inner circles knows, I hear it is "the Sun."

    I must tell you however that after three years of unprecedented prosperity and the institution of world government, he had to impose a new system of control on the world's population. This system tracks every individual and all transactions via a universal person code, UPC. He has declared that anyone not submitting to the identification implant will not only be excluded from participation in the new world order, but they will be branded criminals and tracked down by the CEA, the Conformation Enforcement Agency.

    In order to gain entrance into this new one world computerized marvel, the applicant must swear total devotion to the supreme Leader; after all, without his genius we would all be dead or living in caves. The vast majority of the population has gladly conformed to the new requirements. The media has been helpful to assure compliance through the use of new digitally-embedded persuasive techniques. We all know how it works and are grateful for the positive reinforcement. Fortunately, everyone I know is a total relativist - so whatever, as long as it doesn't infringe on the right to realize our own godhood.

    The only real troublemakers are a small group of retro-faith fanatics, but most of them have been reprocessed (at least that's the rumor). There is an increased sense of the supernatural in every aspect of life, and the official psychic networks keep our spirits focused on the glory of this new utopian age. Some citizens were confused when the Leader chose to make Jerusalem his headquarters after he underwent some sort of spiritual transformation. In actuality, his enthronement in the rebuilt "Millennial Temple", as he calls it, was really just symbolic of the cosmic change which all of us are undergoing on our way toward total self-realization.

    Things have taken a turn for the worst in the last years following the Leader's "cosmic reincarnation;" and most troubling is the rise of this new economic and military power block in the East. At first, they just played second fiddle to the One World Central Government, but in recent months have been rumored to have assembled the largest army in history: 200 million soldiers (probably a gross exaggeration). It is apparent that the Leader is apprehensive about this, too; but He applauds the accomplishments of the Eastern governors and officially encourages their contributions to the Pax Europa. It is a strange irony that some of the oldest Oriental rivals have integrated their strengths of manpower (China) and technological skill (Korea and Japan) to become so strong. What strange bedfellows!

    What has contributed to our concern is the comeback of the vanquished Russians. Most of us thought these guys had gone back to the stone age. It looks like an alliance between these old rivals and the Eastern Confederacy could spell trouble for the Leader. He doesn't seem to be himself after that apparently fatal assassination attempt, but his recovery was nothing short of miraculous. Some say that his whole personality changed after the recovery, but most of us think it is was just the effect of the "cosmic reincarnation." He was anointed as the "Universal Avatar and Self Realized Godhead of Interplanetary Evolution" in the new Temple. In private we call him the "Wiz" since he is definitely one wizard of a human being.

    Most of the Unprogressives, as we call them, have been removed, but a few years ago there appeared two strange figures who monopolized the New-Age Nightly News (NNN). They claimed to take responsibility for the strange atmospheric phenomena that had been observed, and they claimed to be agents of some alien super-being called "God". The Leader has let them rant on as some twisted form of entertainment. They met their end several days ago just like the others who rejected the Leader's generous provision. It was simulating to see the public execution of those two pesky loud-mouths who have been performing their weird magic near the Headquarters - what a gimmick! Must have been done with holographic projections. Oh well, gotta go, just saw on the DigiTel that there is a tremendous storm cloud or something on the horizon here at the New Jerusalem OmniLife Complex. Hope this recount of recent history helps prepare you for your life in the New World Order.
 

Self Bless and may you be fully realized in our Leader, your old friend and co-citizen, Yari
 

Ps: Have they given you your UPC yet?
 

UPC: 263927-662890-847293