Disclaimer: Not mine, Paramount's.

Thanx: Cindy, for always using that phrase. :~) Luv ya!

Note: this was originally J. But me and my screwed up mind turned it into J/C :~)

Almost Only Counts in Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

By: KJScorpion

Rated: PG-13

Kathryn sat there, in the dark, just staring out the window watching the stars go by. It made her dizzy. She turned away from the window, and turned to the lava lamp Tom had given her for a gag gift. It was after a drug issue with the Ktaaria. He said that it represented the drugs and "psychadelic stuff" of the 1960's. And that it was meditative.

*Great. Just what I need. Advice from my hormone-overloaded helmsnam. And I'm taking it too. Stranger things have happened, though. As to what they are...my mind is blanking.* Kathryn stared at the lava lamp, and watched the melted purple wax move. She became transfixed on it, and the patterns that were never the same.

She shook her head to clear her mind. "Weird."

"What's weird, Kathryn?" She jumped at the sound of her first officer's voice.

"Chakotay, you scared me." He looked like he was waiting. "Oh, I was referring to the fact that I almost payed attention to Tom's advice and meditate by that stupid lava lamp. Almost."

"You know, almost only counts in horsehoes and hand grenades."

"What drug are you taking?" She laughed. "How'd you get in here anyway?"

"Access codes. You didn't answer the doorbell, so I sort of walked in."

"Anything I can help you with?" Kathryn reached up to massage her sore neck. Chakotay noticed, and walked on over to massage it.

"Mm. Thanks. No more ancient legends, though. Promise me you'll never stop doing that?" She felt his smile. He bent down and kissed her neck. She stiffened, breifly, then relaxed and let him continue the massage.

"There you go. All gone." They both stood up, Chakotay to leave, Kathryn to go to bed. They smiled, and just as Kathryn thought he was going to leave, he lifted her chin and kissed her. She was more shocked to find herself responding, then she was about the fact that he kissed her in the first place. They broke for air, and Chakotay seemed to leave.

"Chakotay?"

"What?"

"Get back here." Kathryn smiled, and pulled his head down for a more intense, erotic kiss. Their tongues explored each other's mouth, as the headed for Kathryn's bed room.

*    *    *

*It is 0645*   *It is 0645*

"Oh shut up!" Kathryn said lazily, and rolled over, and into Chakotay.

"Morning, Sunshine," He said as he pulled Kathryn to him.

"Morning," I kissed his nose.

"You know, if we got up now, we could almost get to the bridge on time."

"Almost."

"Almost."

"And almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. Notice how bridge duty was omitted from that list?"

"All too well," Chakotay smiled as they rolled back into Kathryn's bed to make love again.

*    *    *

Tom Paris made a mental note that the Captain and the Commander were both noticably late, together. He gave Harry Kim a knowing look.

"Tom, turn around."

"Yes ma'am."

Chakotay typed into his terminal and sent to Kathryn, "You know, it almost looks like he enjoyed us being late."

Kathryn wrote back, "Got a hand grenade handy? I'd like to test our theory, and the durability of my bridge."