Everyone experiences negative emotions such as anger, hurt, and feelings of betrayal, but most people have a difficult time expressing negative feelings--pariticularly anger--to others. Learning to manage this emotion can be rewarding. In some cases anger is a primary response to a negative situation; in others it may mask other feelings that you find even more difficult to tolerate, such as shame.

In the latter case, learning to express anger constructively will help you uncover other important emotions as well. Freeing anger will allow you to feel more energized. You may have trouble showing anger in appropriate ways because our society does not encourage such expressions.

Suppressing anger is ultimately destructive to your well-being--it can even make you physically sick. Due to the connection between mind and body, disease and anger go hand in hand. Truly happy people have far fewer diseases than unhappy people. Therefore, you need to think about the ways that your anger affects you physically. One way or another, you must learn to validate your anger and express it properly.

Think of something that angers you. Write it down. Does this anger motivate you to change the situation in a constructive way? If you are suppressing your anger, think of an appropriate way to express it instead. What first step can you take? Use the following questions as guidelines to help you work through your thoughts.

Why do you get angry? You may experience anger for a variety of reasons. Some examples include:

• Feeling Powerless. Do you feel angry when you cannot control your circumstances?
• Failure To Communicate. When someone does not communicate with you, or vice versa, that indifference will create anger. Think of a person in your life with whom you have trouble communicating. How does that obstacle anger you?
• Getting Defensive. People in powerful positions who must protect their image may become defensive and angry if challenged. Think about a situation that made you angry. Was your ego involved, or were you expressing your true beliefs and facing someone else's ego? In what way did either of you become defensive? Try to make an honest assessment of the situation.
• Feeling Betrayed. No one likes to be betrayed, especially by someone they trust. You feel hurt and angry by the experience and lose all faith in that person. It's important at such times to express your anger to the person. Don't hide your feelings--be honest.
• Feeling Hurt. Recall a time when someone hurt you. Did you turn the anger in on yourself, or did you express your feeling? Were you able to separate yourself from the person attacking you and not absorb it? How have you become wiser from the experience?

How does your anger manifest itself? Rage and aggression; repression, suppression, and sublimation; disease; passive-aggressive behavior? Have you found healthy ways to espress hurt and anger?

From this point on, resolve to deal with your anger in healthy ways that will lead to positive changes. Here's how you can start this process of self-expression. Be honest with yourself. Seek support. Direct your anger. Think first. Act, don't react. Give up perfectionism. Learn new responses. Take charge of your life.

By mastering the powerful energy of anger and putting it to work for you, you can achieve almost anything you want in life--including better health, both mentally and physically.

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