"Harder..faster
"
- Daft Punk
The Beard Theory
Entering
the Circle. . .
In order to look the part, I had to prepare myself. Taking a quick trip to my local butchers and department store, I picked up a large animal liver and "acquired" a 2 foot long santa beard from some guy pretending to be Santa. I then put on this beard, and tied the animal liver to my side. To finish my disguise I hired a monastic suit from the fancy dress shop. With hood up on this dark cloudy night, I easily fit into any satanic physic ritual. I waited behind a burnt-down bus shelter outside the British Nation Library in Darwen. For hours I waited, then without warning, they came.
Bells. Incense. A hugh marching line of beardy people. It was a sight to behold. This was no time to stare, it was time to act. I quickly jumped to the back of the marching line, whilst replacing the last in line thanks to a quick blow across the back of the head. I was led to a dark, damp back alley. I won't tell you the details of those bizarre rituals that I was involved in. It would permanently scar you for life, as well as give you nightmares for weeks to come. Let's just say Hornby trains should never be used like that, especially with one-way tunnels if you get what I mean ! If anything ever happens to me, I have instructed Om {god} to release the taped conversations to the national press.
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