The Page of No Return

Caution! you are now entering the Page of No Return; which contains a dangerous cocktail of creations from the mind of Robin Langridge; long haired layabout, roleplayer, consumer of pizza, Micro$oft hater and penguin rights activist.

Unwilling victims sucked into this page of oblivion so far
Page Last Updated : 16 June 1998
Despite this page's new and wholesome appearance, the blatently silly free gift offer still stands. For no adequately explored reason whatsoever other than to provide a few cheap laughs, even if someone has won the prize for whatever the free gift was originally offered for in the first place.

Do not adjust your web-brower:
normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.

Who did all this? | Roleplaying | Death to M$! | Who's that woman? | George? | Links | Strange Stuff | PBEM |

This is the small print, most contracts have them and in a sudden alarming trend it seems so do web-pages, if you look closely enough. Go on - just look, carefully. It's worrying this. And other things too; Voices. Everywhere, voices. Talking. Whispering. Passing ill-scrawled notes behind my back. Spying on me with rays. All of them. Swines. I know who you are, and I'll find you - see if I don't, oh yes...
In reading this page and/or downloading it as a magnetic media in any transferable form you accept responsibility wholly for any political, economic, domestic, religious or any other damage, instability, mental/physical problems it may cause to you or any person, persons, countries and/or species that become involved with you as a result or not in any way I care to choose whatsoever. In addition I disclaim responsibility for the entire contents of this and any other subpages constructed because I choose to and don't give two hoots really for legal problems whatsoever; in the event of being called to court I will probably dig a hole and hide in it until the police drag me, kicking and screaming mind you, to the courtroom. Although I probably won't. More likely I'll just turn up and look rather sheepish as the charges are read out in some long drawn out legal banter than you need 8 million lawyers degrees just to understand and waste god-knows-how-much public spending money on the proceedings. So think about that before you start anything. So there. Neerrrrr.

Small print? Don't talk to me about small print, I remember the days when you were lucky to have paper to write on, or a pen to write it with, we used to have to write things on an old wall outside our house in bits of chalk we found lying around, that is if the farmer didn't try and shoot us with his shotgun for wandering around on his fields searching for the stuff, said we were poachers y'see. Spray cans? Pah! Luxury! We had to chop off our extremities and cover the walls in our own blood, if we wanted to get differant colours we had to wait until one of use got gangreen and we could mix the colours that way.
The young people of today, I don't know. It's a bloomin' danger to walk the streets nowdays ever since they invented these new fangled pavement things and forced us to walk along them, talk about dictatorship and censorship, the highway should be for those on foot too y'know, that's what they were built for not some great smelly truck, If I had a quid for every time I thought that someone had a sound political suggestion I'd have 3 pounds 25....

This web page may be hazardous to your health, it is provided as-is and without any guarantees, if inhaled you should seek immediate medical attention - do not attempt to unclog your nose with a pitchfork. Not for internal use. Not for external use. Apply three coats and leave to dry. Hand wash only. Tumble dry on low heat. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, nail to walls or stick to the backs of little old ladies. Hard hat area. Not suitable for children under 36 months. No credit. Batteries not included. Text may contain material that some readers - and the author - may not understand. No purchase neccessary. Some assembly required. Figures sold seperately. Contains vitamins B12, A, E and Iron. Boil before use. If symptoms persist consult your doctor. If your doctor persists consult your lawyer. Fine may be applicable. No parking. The white zone is for unloading and loading only. Caution vehicle reversing. Ventilate properly. Cook at gas mark 5. This disclaimer does not cover hurricane, lightning, flood, tsunami, volcanic eruption, fire or act of god.
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