Rob's amazing free gift giveaway!
This offer available exclusively to visitors of The Death to Microsoft homepage®
How do I save up for my free gift?
Simply save your "Bob points" every time you visit this page for the amazing exclusive gifts listed below. Or save with a friend, local support group or minor african state; whoever! Just keep a note of how many you've accumulated on a spare piece of paper or a nearby wall.
How do I calculate how many "Bob points" I have?
Simply note down the number of bytes of information you have loaded from The Death to Microsoft homepage® divide by the speed in bytes/second that it took to load, multiply this by your date of birth, subtract your favourite number, add your favourite colour and mix well, leaving to simmer at gas mark 5 for 10 minutes. When ready reshuffle the deck and take the third card from the top; your card is the three of hearts - and that's magic!
What free gifts can I save up for?
50 points
A free sweetie!
Soothe your plummeting blood-sugar levels with this free sweetie made from genuine, um, sweet stuff. The sweet available will vary depending on what sweets I have nearby when you apply for this item, that is if I haven't eaten them all anyway. In which case I could send you the wrapper - if it has one...
100 points
Rob's first magic card.
Yes! You too can succom to the card game that is more addictive than a cup of high caffine coffee laced with cocaine! If I remember correctly my first card was an Island, although its now either shuffled into a deck or sitting in a pile of cards somewhere, mind you I haven't got that many cards so you've got a reasonable chance it'd be my first card. What do you expect for free?
150 points
A lock of my hair.
Well not so much a lock of my hair as a lump of it; my hair seems to have a knack of getting everywhere (It has an international Visa) anyway so it's entirely possibly that dubious brown hair you plucked out of your bed and muttered a curse in the direction of your dog/cat/spouse/etc was mine anyway, so why bother applying for this item?
200 points
A rotating wibble.
Exclusively offered only to readers of the The Death to Microsoft homepage® the acme® Rotating wibbles come in flanged or non-flanged variety with optional fluting for an additional 50 points. Order now as stocks of this item are limited because it is still unclear if such an item exists, if anyone makes it or if they actually have any use whatsoever.
250 points
A deluxe goodie-bag of genuine previously owned Rob souvenirs.
These come in a limited edition black plastic bag carefully styled to emulate the attractive black-roll style bags used throughout England. Inside you will find a variety of genuine authentic Rob items, contents will vary depending on what I have thrown away. This item is only available when I can get up in time to beat the bin-men to it.
Back to the intro page.
All items subject to availablity, this offer may be withdrawn in times of national emergency, finacial difficulty or on any day that has the letter 'y' in it. All products come with no warranty or any assurances whatsoever; postage and packing for these items is not included in this offer and you should enclose a cheque or order for £100 or your countries equivalent to cover shipping and costs.