Parejas
"I never would have married you if I knew how stupid you were!"A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she
would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he
has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.
The pharmacist helps the boy for about 30 minutes, explaining the different product types,
lubricated versus non, large versus extra large... He tells the boy everything there is to
know about condoms and sex. At the check out, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
he would like to purchase, a 3-pack or 12-pack. The boy insists on the 12 pack because he
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the
door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes
inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy
quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep
in prayer, with his head down. Ten minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend,
"I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"
One night, as a couple retire to bed, the husband turns to
his wife and begins caressing her.
- "I'm sorry darling," says the wife,
- "I've got an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow and I want to stay
fresh."
The husband, feeling rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he
rolls back over and tries his luck again. This time he whispers in her ear,
- "Do you have a dentist's appointment tomorrow too?"
Esto era una chica que se iba a casar con un griego, y el
dia antes de la boda su padre le dice:
- Mira hija, estos griegos son unos pervertidos. Tu ahora no te lo crees porque estas
enamorada, pero despues de la noche de bodas te habras dado cuenta de lo que te quiero
decir. Asi que recuerda, si un dia estas haciendo el amor y te dice que te des la vuelta,
niegate en redondo.
- Si, papa.
Total, que se casan y empiezan a pasar los años... una noche estan en la cama y el marido
la dice :
- Oye, no quieres que probemos por el otro lado?
- Ni hablar! Ya te he dicho miles de veces que no!
- Pero entonces, nunca vas a querer tener niños?
Esto es una pareja que ha ligado y se van a la casa de uno
de ellos; se desnudan y el chico le dice a la chica :
- Mira, te voy a enseñar una postura nueva.
- Ah, si? Y como es?
- Pues mira, es la postura del rodeo; ponte a cuatro patas... y ahora yo me pongo
detras... te agarro por las caderas... te la meto... y ahora empiezo...
- Oye, pero si esta es la postura de los perritos y la conoce todo el mundo...
- Espera un segundo, ahora es cuando te digo que tengo el SIDA...
!!!! YYYIIIIEEEEEEJJJJJAAAAA.... !!!!
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young
couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on
the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered,
- "Honey, this guy hasn t seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he
wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it.
Our lives depend on it."
- "Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag,
- "I m so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you are
really cute!"
Este es un matrimonio que va al medico porque no podian
tener hijos, el Dr. despues de examinar a la mujer y ver que esta perfectamente, le dice
al hombre:
- Tenga este frasco y mañana sin falta me trae una muestra de semen.
El matrimonio se marcha y aparecen al cabo de un mes.
- Pero no le dije que me trajeran la muestra al dia siguiente?
- Vera doctor, lo intenté todo el dia con una mano y nada, al dia siguiente con las dos
manos, menos, mi mujer lo intentó con una mano, nada, con la boca... , igual, con las dos
manos, nada, mi suegra con una mano, ni asi, con las dos manos, ni hablar, con la boca, ni
flowers, mi mujer con la boca y mi suegra con una mano, no, mi suegra y mi mujer con una
mano cada una, tampoco, los tres con las dos manos... nasti de plasti, mi mujer y mi
suegra con la boca las dos a la vez, nada...
- Digame, Ud.sufre frecuentemente de estos ataques de impotencia ?
- Que impotencia doctor, es que no ha habido forma de abrir el maldito frasco... .
An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking.
They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to
continue at the woman's apartment. After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and
they wind up in bed. Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling. The old
man is thinking...
- "Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful."
The old lady is thinkin...
- "Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties."
Recopilado por vvaldi.
Ultima actualización: 8/5/99