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blonde getting a haircut

A young blond girl went into a hair salon seeking a "different" look with a different haircut. The young stylist asked the girl what she was looking for and she asked to look at some pictures for ideas. After a few minutes, the girl found the style she was looking for. She said I'd like to look like that. The stylist said "Sure, just remove your headphones and we can get started. The girl replied "I never take my headphones off!". The stylist said "I can't make your hair look like the picture unless you remove the headphones!"
BR> The girl stated that she had always had her hair cut with them on. The stylist refused to cut her hair instead he said "how about taking them off for just 15 minutes, then you can put them back on?"

She stated, "I've never taken them off but I guess I can take them off for 15 minutes". With that she removed the headphones and placed them on a small table. The stylist promptly starting cutting her hair. After about 5 minutes the young blonde became unconscious....she was DEAD.

The paramedics were called yet there was nothing that could be done...the young woman was indeed DEAD.

As with any death the police were called to invistigate this untimely demise. The detectives interviewed employees and patrons, look at the equipment in the area, check for any suspicious solutions that may have been used. Finally, a detective picked up the headphones and placed him on his head....he heard "breath in.....breath out.....breath in.......breath out...."



blondes unlocking their car

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger:

Blonde #1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Blonde #2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!



blonde going to Disneyland

A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said DISNEYLAND LEFT. After thinking for a minute, she said to herself, "Oh well...", turned around, and then drove home.



blonde FAQ

Q: What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
A: The 1984 Hide and Seek World Champion.

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for two hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.

Q: What's the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
A: Elvis has been sighted.

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.

Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.

Q: How can you tell when a fax had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.

Q: What are the two hardest years in a blonde's life?
A: Sixth grade.



credit card

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.



credit card reader

At a grocery store in San Jose, they have new credit card/bank card readers at the checkout stands. If you don't know how to orient your card to swipe it through the reader, the checkout person will say, "Strip down, face toward me."

Note: Am I wrong, or is this just asking for trouble?



eyelids

An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees."

"Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."



deer crossing

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.



aging

A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to visit her for the holidays. Someone asked how old her sister was, at which she paused, thought for a bit, and then answered, "She's half as old as I am, that's how I always remember." So someone else (okay, it was me) said, "That's neat... So every year that you age, she only ages half a year?" My co-worker thought about that, and then said, "Oh, yeah, I guess it only works on even years."



changing lightbulbs

How many UCLA students does it take to change a light bulb?
One-she holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

How many UC San Diego students does it take to change a light bulb?
Two-one to call the electrician and one to mix the margaritas.

How many UC Santa Cruz students does it take to change a light bulb?
Eleven-one to change the bulb, and 10 to share the experience.

How many UC Davis students does it take to change a light bulb?
Zero-Davis doesn't have electricity.

How many UC San Francisco students does it take to change a light bulb?
Two-one to change the bulb, and one to crack under pressure.

How many UC Santa Barbara students does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he gets six credits for it.

How many UC Berkeley students does it take to change a light bulb?
Seventy-six-one to change the bulb, 50 to protest the light bulb's right not to change, and 25 to counterprotest.

How many UC Irvine students does it take to change a light bulb?
Zero-Irvine looks better in the dark (Ditto Riverside).




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last modified: 1999-12-31


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