YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEERING MAJOR ...

1. If you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
2. If you enjoy pain.
3. If you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
4. If you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."
5. If you've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
6. If when you look in a mirror, you see a engineering major.
7. If it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
8. If you frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."
9. If you always do homework on Friday nights.
10. If you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
11. If you think in "math."
12. If you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
13. If you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.
14. If you have a pet named after a scientist.
15. If you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
16. If the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.
17. If you can translate English into Binary.
18. If you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
19. If you consider ANY non-science course "easy."
20. If when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
21. If the "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
22. If you'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.
23. If you understood more than five of these indicators.
24. If you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.
25. If these indicators apply to you, there is good reason to suspect that you might be classified as a engineering major. I hope this clears up any confusion.
26. If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife" .
27. If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner.
28. If you use a pocket calculator to divide bill at a restaurant.
29. If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE.
30. If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail.
31. If you have the internet on speed dial.
32. If you spend more on your home computer than your car.
33. If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio.
34. If you can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines.
35. If your best friends can only be reached by modem.
36. If you get suicidal when the power is out for more than 10 minutes.
37. If you know the altitude limits for turning on and off electronic equipment on commercial flights.
38. If you have already calculated how much you make per second.
39. If al your sentences begin with "What if" .
40. If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it.
41. If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN.
42. If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
43. If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
44. If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
45. If you've modified your can opener to be microprocessor driven
46. If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
47. If you've ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
48. If you thought the concoction ET used to phone home was stupid
49. If you own one or more short-sleeve dress shirts
50. If you're aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud
51. If you've ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
52. If you've ever purchased an electronic appliance -as-is-
53. If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
54. If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
55. If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
56. If you need a checklist to turn on the TV
57. If your wife thinks your taste in ties is bizarre
58. If your IQ is bigger than your weight
59. If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
60. If people groan at the party when you pick out the music
61. If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week
62. If your checkbook always balances
63. If your wrist watch has more buttons than a telephone
64. If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
65. If you thought the real heroes of -Apollo 13- were the mission controllers
66. If you think that when people around you yawn, its because they didn't get enough sleep
67. If your wife hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work
68. If you know what http:// stands for
69. If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage
70. If your three-year-old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
71. If your lap-top computer costs more than your car
72. If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Twinkies

Have fun...

by Ismail Erdinç Mutlu This page is written at March 7, 1996.