These remarks, taken from real resumes and cover letters, were
printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune:
1. "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive
experience."
2. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet
progroms."
3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
4. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
5. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial
institutions."
6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
7. "It's best for employers that I not work with
people."
8. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my
experience."
9. "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
10. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget
details."
11. "I was working for my mom until she decided to
move."
12. "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged.
Uninvolved. No commitments."
13. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a
horse."
14. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs ... Please
feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
15. "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely
no one and absolutely nothing."
16. "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I
possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock
brokerage."
17. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is
unpleasant."
18. "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen
gallons so far."
19. "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing
investments."
20. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest
chain store."
21. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as
'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
22. "Marital status: often. Children: various."
23. "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all
employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't
work under those conditions."
24. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three
previous employers."
25. "Finished eighth in my class of ten."
26. "References: none. I've left a path of destruction
behind me."
We're guessing that some applicants of the above caliber somehow
got jobs--possibly from the companies whose supervisors ended up
writing the following remarks, taken from actual job evaluations:
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock
bottom and has started to dig."
2. "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of
morbid curiosity."
3. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
4. "This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but
more of a definitely won't-be."
5. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered
like a rat in a trap."
6. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to
change whichever foot was previously in there."
7. "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot
puddle."
8. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
9. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently
fails to achieve them."
10. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an
idiot."
11. "This employee should go far-and the sooner he starts,
the better."