When he was thirteen he decided he was far too good looking to live with the family he had so he went to live with two rich nobles who had no children. Maynard decided that his name was far too ugly sounding. He chose the name of his only childhood friend, Simon the sewer rat. He grew to be a tall, strong and vain man.
While Simon was 27, still living with his adopted parents in Thoesburrow, he was out riding his beautiful white and golden maned steed Randall, he came upon an old man. Seeing the rags the man was wearing Simon thought he was a beggar and immediately sped to a gallop. The old man leapt in front of the horse. Simon stopped Randall in his tracks. He had just bought a set of golden horseshoes and really didn't want them coated with the remains of the old man. The old man was wearing a dark tattered robe. His face was hidden in a hood. The man reached inside his robe and pulled out an ancient looking scroll. He threw it a Simon with surprising force. Simon gaped in horror as the dusty rolls hit his spotless silver breastplate. He looked up, ready to break the man's neck for soiling his armor but he wasn't there. He had vanished. Simon shrugged and threw the scroll with two fingers. When it landed he saw that it was some kind of map. He dismounted and crouched down to read the yellow paper. He carefully flipped it over, touching it as little as possible and saw writing. Simon skimmed over it until he read the words " A magic mirror that makes others see you as the most beautiful thing in the world." Simon was instantly interested. He knew he was the most beautiful thing in Thoesburrow, but he wasn't sure about world wide. Now he could be! He looked at the map and decided to set out for it.
Simon went home, told his parents about his quest and ordered his servants to pack supplies and load them on a donkey. He also went to the village and grabbed the first beggar he saw to be his traveling aide. In three days he set out for the Plain of BO.
Simon, his horse Randall, the old donkey and the beggar named Bill, traveled along at an easy pace. They had traveled ten miles when Simon said it was time to eat. He handed Bill a dead chicken and told him to fry it. Bill only knew how to grill chicken. Simon could not bring himself to eat something as common as grilled chicken, so for the first time since he was 13, Simon went without lunch. As for Bill, it was the biggest meal he had ever had. They continued and soon came to a wooden sign. It was weathered and the words couldn't be seen, but by the strange aroma, Bill knew they had reached the plain of BO. Simon, just now realizing what BO stood for, shuddered at the thought of 25 more miles of the horrid odor. Simon spurred Randall ahead. The horse reluctantly obeyed.
The day passed by. Bill set up camp on one of the rolling hills of the endless prairie. Bill grilled another chicken. This time Simon had a bite or two. He ate with his back to Bill so he wouldn't see him eat commoner food.
The next morning they continued on. The terrible smell had gotten into Simon's clothes and he was constantly rubbing fragrant herbs on himself. Bill didn't seem to notice the odor.
After riding a few miles they came to a deep chasm. When Simon looked into it, he couldn't see the bottom. It looked like an endless sea of blackness. They found and old rickety bridge. Simon told Bill to lead the donkey over and he would catch up when he knew it was safe. About halfway across, Bill let out a gut-wrenching scream. Simon rushed ahead, fearing that the donkey might drop the luggage. When he reached Bill, Simon saw a hand wrapped around his leg. Simon grabbed the only weapon he had. He began slapping the hand with a dead chicken. Just as the hand let go of Bill's leg, another one popped up and grabbed Simon's ankle. He started whacking it with the chicken. Bill too grabbed a chicken and threw it a hand that had grabbed the donkey. It let go and sank into the darkness. Simon clawed a hand that attached itself to his boot. It let go, but got a good grip on Simon's hand. Simon dropped to the ground with a thud. With a sudden burst of strength, he rose to his knees and yanked the hand with him. To Simon's surprise, the hand came up easily and along with it a hideous forearm. Simon began pulling the arm up like a rope. It was as if it continued forever. He spun around when he heard Bill shout. They were surrounded by dozens of arms that reached to the sky. Both men ran for the other side of the gorge followed by the frightened animals. Simon could feel dozens of hands brushing him as he ran. Probably dozens of filthy hands. When they somehow made it to the other side, they collapsed from exhaustion. The foul-smelling air made it hard for Simon to catch his breath. After a few minutes they continued. When the terrifying chasm was out of view, Bill set up camp. They had no chickens left, so they skipped supper and called it a night. It felt good to relax after their close shave at the arm pit.
When Simon awoke the next morning he found Bill whittling on two thick pieces of wood. Bill said they might make better weapons than dead chickens not to mention they'd keep fresh longer. Simon saw Randall munching oats out of his silver tasseled oat bag and realized how hungry he was. Bill made breakfast. He told Simon it was the king's own secret recipe. It was oatmeal.
They moved on and after a few hours they came to the entrance to the Canyon of bad habits. Sitting next to the path was a small, run down cabin. They saw chickens running around outside. Bill grabbed one as it passed and stuck it in his jacket. Simon was shocked. He was about to scold Bill when he heard an angry roar. A man about twice his size stood in the doorway of the cabin. He was hard to understand, but Simon thought he said something like "How dare you steal from Grendal the Perspirant!" The man ran at them. Bill tried to hand Simon a wooden club, but Simon grabbed the chicken. Simon swung with all his might and struck the giant on the forehead. Both Grendal and the chicken fell dead. Chicken still in hand Simon leapt on Randall and sped away. He soon realized that Bill was on foot. He stopped and waited for Bill and the donkey. Eventually Bill rounded the corner with donkey and luggage. He opened his jacket revealing four dead chickens. Seeing the toothless grin on his face, Simon had to laugh.
They pressed on until the full moon shined above the canyon walls. Bill once again set up camp. He grilled a chicken and Simon gladly ate it. He was starting to get sick of the king's secret recipe. As he lay in his gold plated sleeping bag, which was very uncomfortable, he wondered why this peaceful place was called The Canyon of Bad Habits. He suddenly realized he was biting his finger nails. He tried to stop but he couldn't help it. He put on his gloves. It helped a little. He eventually dozed off. In a few minutes he was awakened by Bill's loud snoring. Simon didn't understand. Bill had never snored before. He rolled his pillow around his ears to muffle the annoying sound. The left side of his face felt wet. Simon grimaced. He realized he had been drooling in his sleep. Now Simon understood the meaning of the canyon's name.
Simon awoke the next morning with a start. His sleeping bag and clothes were soaked. When he realized why, he screamed and ran to his water bottle. He emptied over himself and changed his clothes. He took his wet clothes and threw them in the fire. He realized his mistake when the odor got into the breakfast Bill was cooking.
They traveled without a word. Simon found himself constantly twirling a finger in his long golden hair or gnawing his gloved fingertips. Whenever he glanced over he'd see Bill picking his nose or scratching himself. Simon grimaced in disgust. He knew the poor guy couldn't help it but it still grossed him out.
They stopped for dinner and Bill prepared a chicken. Again Simon ate without showing any shame. For the first time he complemented Bill. The two men were becoming good friends. Lately Simon had noticed that if Bill was a little cleaner, they might look somewhat alike. In fact, give him a bath, a hair stylist, a new wardrobe and some teeth, and he might pass as a relative. For some reason, that thought startled him. He concentrated on following the path.
At supper time Simon actually helped Bill set camp. According to the map, they were almost out of the canyon. That night Simon again slept uneasily.
Simon woke with a familiar feeling. Cursing, he ran out and drenched himself with water once again. At breakfast, Simon became suspicious when he noticed the similarities between what Randall was eating and the king's secret recipe. They again set out in silence.
The sun was high in the sky when they at last came to the canyon's end. The stone road soon turned into a moist dirt path. Bill refilled the water bottles in a small creek. There was a warm summer breeze which was a welcome change from the windless Canyon.
As they continued they noticed a slight decline. Soon there was a drastic change in the weather. It began to get humid. Even the animals noticed the hot, stickiness of the air.
They camped and had a troubled sleep. The humidity was intense and there were biting flies everywhere, not to mention Simon's sleeping bag reeked.
In the morning, they trudged on. Immediately the ground began to get soggy. By noon, they saw patches of standing water. For dinner, Bill made stew out the moss floating on the stagnant pools. Simon actually liked it but he didn't let Bill know that.
By dusk they were far into the bog. When the moon rose Simon thought he heard a wolf howl. He soon realized it was actually some one belching. He heard it again, but closer. In minutes the air was filled with the sound of belches.
At first Simon didn't want to stop moving. He wanted to get out of this as soon as possible. Eventually, the ground became so wet they couldn't set camp. The travelers became exhausted. Even Randall didn't walk with his normal elegance. They continued into the night. The belching got so bad Simon stopped and stuffed pond scum in his ears.
About dawn the path came to a steep incline. They set up camp at the first dry spot. They slept until dusk. When they woke they could barely hear the far off belches. They were finally out of the Belching Bog.
After a while, the incline leveled off and they could see trees in the distance. They set camp again and waited until morning.
At noon the next day they reached the edge of The Forest of Ugliness. They entered the shade of the trees. Simon saw flowers, withered, brown flowers. The trees were also ugly. Their bark was gnarled and black. Their leaves were dark green and had sharp, jagged edges. After a few hours, they came upon a clear, sparkling spring. Simon wondered how something so beautiful could be in such an ugly place. In the middle of the spring was a stone pillar. Resting on the top of it was a small gold handled mirror. Simon gaped in wonder. He finally made it. He dismounted Randall and made his way to the spring.
Suddenly Simon felt a jerk on his shoulder. He spun around and stood face to face with the ugliest man he'd ever seen. They were about the same size but the ugly man was in rags and had creatures crawling all over him. Simon screamed and ducked away. The man just stared. Simon asked him what he wanted, slipping his hand toward his club. The man just stood there. Simon raised the club. The ugly man dropped to his knees. Simon demanded he stand up and explain himself. The man rose and explained that he was the guardian of the mirror and could not let anyone pass.
Simon didn't come all that way for nothing. He threw down his glove as a sign of hostility. The man grew angry. He stepped forward and Simon swung his club. It hit the man in the side. He went down with a thud. Simon stood over him. Between sobs, the man said something like "Maynard, don't you remember me?"
Simon was shocked as the man told his story. Apparently, the man was Simon's long lost brother Wendall Dingleberry. After Simon left his family, an old man in an old tattered robe and a hooded face told him to guard the mirror. The old man gave the beggar riches to stay ugly. Wendall was 11 when he came to the forest and had lived there since.
Wendall begged Simon to spare his life. Simon lowered the club and walked to the spring. He waded out to the pillar and picked up the mirror. He looked into it and admired himself. The mirror showed him with golden hair and fair complexion although he knew he was dirty and ragged from his journey. He walked out of the spring with the mirror in hand. He looked at Bill. He was shaking his head with disappointment. Simon had not changed. Simon was just about to smash the mirror when he saw an inscription on the handle. The words were: "look into the glass and speak: The Ugliness of beauty". Simon did. The mirror began to glow with radiance. The small pool quaked and churned. The cement pillar crumbled. A shaft of blinding light went from the surface of the mirror to Simon's face. He looked up and saw the two beggars moving toward him. They had crazed looks on their faces. Simon didn't understand, the mirror was supposed to make others see him as the most beautiful thing in the world. He suddenly remembered what it was like to be poor and hungry. The most beautiful thing in the world was a hot meal. Simon was never forced to eat grilled chicken or oatmeal again.
See, I knew you would like it! Please click here to go back to my main page, here to go back to my menu of literature, or here to go to GeoCities.