I'm still bored.
But at least now the radio's off, it was on it's 12 repeat of
"Wildfire" THIS WEEK, and it's only Tuesday; shit I hate that.
So anyway, I quicklime the engineer to remove any fingerprints
and then FedEx him back to headquarters and set about waiting for the new
engineer.
Now the second engineer only has to come out after another 4
hours, there's no death of engineer penalty clause, (but I'm thinking about
asking for one) so I've got to fill in some time. This guy's going to be a
technical engineer, the sort that comes in with a raggedy tie where he got it
caught in the drum printer at 3000 rpm a couple of years ago, and he'll have
the grazes on the face that indicate that he didn't get the gate open in
time...
I know those sorts...
So I fill in a couple of hours by killing users off and
deleting their files, then waiting for them to call...
"Um, I can't find my files" the wimpering simp on
the phone says
"Files? What files?"
"The files in my account. My thesis, my research - all
gone!"
"Gone ay? What's your username?"
"TURGEN"
"TROJAN?! LIKE THE CONDOM?"
"No TURGEN. T-U-R"
"OH Turgen, like TURD, but with a GEN instead of a D...
Ok lets see" I make vague clicking noises my dragging the quicklimed
man's fingers back and forth across the keypad. "Uh-huh" >drag
drag<"Yeah..">dragedy poke<"AH! You haven't got any files" p> "I KNOW!"
"Well, what are you calling ME for? We don't make the
files you know, we just look after them. And chopitty-chop too, your thesis
looks like it's due in a couple of days.."
I hang up - he'll call back. Meantime I open up a copy of
"VMS BASTARD OPERATORS MANUAL FROM HELL" I'm reading the article I
sent in about getting rid of those trouble users...
"...Modify the user's password minimum from 6 to 32
letters, give the password a 1 day lifetime, set it so that they HAVE to use
the password generate utility when they change their password (so their
password will always be something that looks like vaguely pronouncable
line-noise), add a secondary password with the same as the above, then
redefine their CLI tables so that the only command that works is DELETE, and
all other commands point to it."
Beautiful. Shit I'm good.
He calls back.
"MY FILES ARE GONE!" he screams, panicking.
"Did you have a backup?" I ask, as sweet as pie "But that's
what you people are supposed to do!" he sobs "Yeah, well we did -
but then we switched to those 8mm tapes, and they're the same size as the ones
in my video camera, so I've been using them to tape the neighbour's sex
romps..."
I hear the revolver go off, but what the hell, it's 5pm, and
not my problem...
|
