As Misty's World Turns - December 2001


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Dec. 15, 2001

I've been spending alot of time lately trying to sort out my life. It's been almost 2 years since my divorce became final, and over 3 years since my ex-husband and I separated. I had no idea when I asked for my divorce, just how difficult it was going to be to find myself again. Maybe if I had known a few divorced people beforehand it might have helped, maybe not. Learning to live alone, after 13 years of marriage has been hard. For so many years, my life had not been my own. I had become someone else while I tried to make my marriage work.

It wasn't until I began living my life alone that I noticed just how much I had changed, and just how unhappy I really had been. I know now that I had gotten married for all the wrong reasons. I also know now, that only I can make myself happy and feel complete. For so many years I relied upon someone else to do those things for me. I had always thought being in love with someone would give me everything I needed. But in reality, if I can't be happy without someone else in my life, I'll never really be happy if and when I do meet a man.

This shouldn't be any revelation for me, since it's nothing my Mother hasn't told me a million times before. Maybe I'm just a slow learner, because it's taken me 41 years to finally figure this out for myself. It's kind of like living with FMS, it's a day to day thing. I've learned that I have alot to be thankful for. I have a wonderful, supportive family, great friends, and a lovely home. I like my independence, and I enjoy time to myself. After all these years it's finally sunk in that I can be very happy without a man in my life. And to be honest, I'm happier now, than I ever have been before. Who says old dogs can't learn new tricks! (lol)

Dec. 29, 2001

Christmas is always such a hectic time of the year. And the days following Christmas always seem like such a let down. As holidays go, my Christmas was pretty good. I got lots of real nice things, and a few very useful things....like a radar detector. (lol) What I really missed though were my loved ones. My brother in Pa. couldn't be here, and of course I missed my Dad and my dog Jack. Once you've lost a loved one, holidays are never the same. It's been almost 16 years since my father died, but it still seems like yesterday. It's been one year and 4 days since my dog died, and the house still seems eerily quiet.

For so many of us, 2001 hasn't been that great a year. Losing more than 3000 people in the terrorist attack on Sept. 11th, the economy slowing down as prices continue to rise, etc., etc. For me, this has been a year of more self exploration. I've learned alot about myself in the last year. And I've tried to put my life back together again since my divorce. I think I'm finally making it. I've been able to see sides of me that were lost for so long, and I've been able to find parts of me that needed changing. I've changed what I could in myself to make myself happier. And despite the loss of time and self esteem, I've been able to rise above my problems and finally be happy.

Only when we are happy with ourselves, and are at peace with ourselves, can we begin to make the people we love happy. For the first time in many, many, many years I can say that I am at peace with myself, and I'm happy with my life. I don't think there is a thing about my life I would change. Ok, maybe I'd change not having FMS-CFIDS, but that's out of my control. I've decided that from now on I will only worry about the things that are in my control.

I wish each and every one of you happiness, good health, prosperity, and love for the New Year!

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