As Misty's World Turns - January 2003


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Jan. 1, 2003

I was laying in bed last night thinking how my life has seemed to be in 3 chapters. The first chapter was when my Father was alive, and everything seemed so perfect in my life. The second chapter was when my beloved dog Jack was alive. He was the best friend and confident I'd ever had. Then the last chapter, when my friend Bill was still alive...and how he gave me so much hope for a bright future.

Now I start another chapter in my life I guess. I no longer have my Father....gone now for 17 years next March. Jack too is gone now....2 years Christmas Eve, and Bill....gone also, 4 months next Sunday. I'm not sure what this new chapter will bring, nor do I know what this next year will bring. All I can do is hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and hope it's better than I expected. I have always tried to live my life as optimistically as possible. I know there have been times when I've failed to look on the bright side, but I have always tried to be positive.

My main worry these days is my Mother. She's been sick with pneumonia for the last 2 weeks. Although she is getting better each day, it's been a very slow progression. I know no one is meant to live forever, and I know at 79 in Feb. she's had what most would call a "good run of it", I'm just not prepared to lose her. I lean on her for so much. She's my best friend, my sounding board, my support both emotionally and financially, in short she's everything to me. I can't fathom life without her. So I guess if I could have just one wish going in to this new year, it would be good health and happiness this year for my Mom.

One thing I've learned is that once you clear off the screened porch is stays cleared off till after Hurricane season! None of this in and out and in and out crap. Those chairs and tables are heavy! I've also learned it's not necessary to take down all the Christmas lights on the porch. Since they hug the ceiling they're safe to leave up. I'm just hoping this season won't be a repeat of last year.

Jan. 9, 2003

I'm happy to say that my Mom is finally making progress and feeling better. It's been a long 3 weeks having her sick with pneumonia. There's something unsettling about seeing your parents ill, and feeling miserable. I know that no one lives forever, and I've been lucky to have my Mom for this long. I'm hoping I have her for many more years to come.

Speaking of sickness, it's been my turn now. For quite some time I've been experiencing chest pains, etc. At first I figured it was nothing to be alarmed about. But when they continued to get worse, I decided it was time to see my doctor. After a check up, and an EKG, my doctor seemed to think my heart was fine. Turns out I have an infection in the wall of my chest. I'm not sure what's worse, chest pains, or blowing $300 in a matter of an hour. [$100 for the doctor visit, $200 for the medicine.]

When I went in to see him on Monday he seemed to think I'd be feeling better in 2 days. The pain is no longer in the front of my chest, but rather it's moved to the back now. I decided I'd better see what he thought, so I went back this morning to see him again. He looked me over and said that I was making progress, and in about 10 days it should be gone. That's when his nurse said the bill for today would be $49. I looked at her....thinking to myself that I didn't HAVE $49. I said that my deductible for Medicare had been met, [thanks to his $100 charge on Monday]. Then she said it was ok, I didn't owe anything for todays visit. Thank God for medicare. By the time I pay my bills for the month, I'm lucky to have $100 left to see me through the month. With months like this one, paying $300 I wasn't expecting, and getting hit with a $200 increase on my car insurance that I wasn't expecting, I wonder how I'm ever going to make it.

Jan. 17, 2003

My Mom and I had been to Home Depot this morning, returning a palm tree. Instead of coming home the long way, I thought I'd just hop on Interstate 95 to go home. As usual, the traffic was pretty bad out there, and it was stop and go for a few exits. We were only a few feet from our exit when traffic began to stop again. I was slowing down when I looked over to my left and saw a Dodge Van flipping over end to end, and finally coming to rest on it's tires. Like the person in front of me, I too pulled off on the shoulder to see if the person in the van was ok. Before I could get out of the car, several people had already gotten to the van. So I pulled out my cell phone and tried to call the Florida Highway Patrol for an ambulance. It rang and rang with no answer. That's when I noticed 3 other people with cell phones to their ears. So I pulled back onto the highway and finished my trip home.

It's amazing how accidents seem to happen in slow motion. I've been in a few of them myself, and for me they never seemed to happen as fast as they should have. Today was the first time I'd witnessed an accident of that magnitude, and I was surprised to see that it also appeared to happen in slow motion. People were swerving all over to avoid hitting the guy. The amazing thing was that no one else had gotten hit in the accident. By the time I got home I could hear the ambulance sirens. I couldn't see much of the van driver, but I don't think he was hurt too much. It was a late model vehicle, one I know that was equipped with at least one airbag. All I could think was "thank God it wasn't me."

Jan. 20, 2003

Children are such a wonderful group of people. To see life through their eyes can be such a rewarding experience. Being around my nieces and nephews has always given me such joy. They each have their own distinct personalities, and outlook on life. My oldest nephew, Brian, was born with Cerebal Palsy. Cerebal Palsy is an injury to the brain. Most cases of Cerebal Palsy are due to lack of oxygen to the brain of the unborn child, either beore, or during birth. Some children who have cerebral palsy, or CP, may not be able to walk, talk, eat or play in the same ways as most other kids.

Brian is fortunate, he can walk, dress himself, talk, etc. Unfortunately he can not read, his balance is not right, and he has other complications from CP. He'll never be able to drive a car, he'll never go to college, or work his way up the ladder to a nice job. It is highly unlikely that Brian will ever marry, or have children either. But to know Brian is to love him. I can't begin to imagine what it's like for my oldest brother and his wife, to have a special child like Brian. The things most parents take for granted, are the things they might never see. But there is always a bright side to any situation, if you have the patience to look hard enough.

My brother and his wife will never know the fear of hearing a ringing phone at 3 am. Hearing a policeman on the other end saying their child has been involved in a car accident. They will never have to worry about Brian getting into drugs, or getting some girl pregnant...the list goes on and on. For many years I have known that I will never be able to have a child. My Mother would always tell me "if you don't have children to laugh over, you don't have them to cry over either." That's how I've always perceived Brian. Sure he won't live a "normal" life, but the life he leads is a good one. More importantly, he has become a wonderful young man. He is 24 years old. He is kind, outgoing, loving, empathetic towards others, has a terrific sence of humor, and is a pure joy to have around.

Since today was Martin Luther King Jr.s celebrated birthday, the place where Brian works was closed. We're thankful that Brian enjoys our company as much as we enjoy his. My Mom had invited him to spend the night last night, and stay with us today. As usual, Brian was a pleasure to have. He's also a lot of help to both of us. Since my Mother's illness with pneumonia, she's no longer able to walk through the mall, or grocery stores. Luckily I've not needed my wheelchair lately, so I've been able to push her. It becomes difficult for us to get groceries though, as I'm not able to push my Mom AND drag a grocery cart too. That's when Brian comes to our rescue. He loves to feel needed and help people.

Today we picked up a few groceries at Wal-Mart while we had Brian here to help us. Brian loves cars and trucks of all kinds. He especially likes models to put together. (with help from his Dad and myself) Brian only had $9 to spend. Trying to find a model for $9 is not an easy task. As it turned out, nothing he liked was in his price range. As we walked to the registers he was muttering quietly to himself. When I asked him what the problem was he said, "they're all the time saying how low their prices are in their commercials. But I couldn't find anything I could afford. They lie!" He was so adamant. I had all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. I still smile to myself when I think of it now.

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