May 15, 2001
It seems like just when you need someone special, they pop into your life. In the last few days I've met 2 special people. Both of them have seen me as I really am, and not as my appearance shows me. To be liked for the person you are inside is so unusual these days, and so welcome. Thank you Kellie and Mark, you are both special people to me. :)
Meeting the right person, and feeling cared for is hard for anyone, but when you're disabled it seems to be even harder. Society seems to be so wrapped up with packaging, not with the package. With the loss of my beloved dog Jack, my life has seemed so empty. I'm sure some people will think that a dog is just a pet, but for someone like me, without the possibility of having my own children, he was so much more. Whenever I see a Dalmatian my hearts jumps into my throat, and my pulse races. Then there is the inevitable let down when I know it isn't Jack.
I recently finished a book about a woman's second chance at life. In the book the woman was disabled and unloved, when she died she was told she could pick another life since her first life had short changed her. Since I've read that book, I've often wondered what kind of life I would pick, if I had the opportunity at a second chance. I'd like to think I'd not repeat the same mistakes I did in this life, but who's to say. I've had alot of time to sit and think, and to sort out the choices I have made. I believe everything in life happens for a reason, and I've been able to see the positive things I've learned along the way. I also think the negative things have made me a better person.
May 23, 2001
When I quit working 12 years ago, I felt my value as a person go down a lot. I guess because I didn't feel as if I was giving anything back. Society makes you feel so inadequate if you don't measure up to its standards. It's hard enough to measure up to the standards of society when you're well, but when you're sick it gets ten times harder to measure up. There is the stress of family members, friends, jobs, employers, etc.
Throughout most of my adult life, I've felt as though I've been judged by what I can and cannot do, instead of being judged for who I am, and what I have to offer. Most people take you at face value, and never take the time to look deeper. I've been blessed to have a few people in my life that have taken the time to get to know the real Misty. I thank them for it, and I love them for it. There are 2 men in my life that have given more to me than I could ask for. Not only have they taken the time to see me for who I am, but they love me because of my differences. They show me their love in so many ways, and with them beside me, I know I'll never be alone.
|
