Mar. 6, 1998 - WAVE OF INTERNET ATTACKS UNDER INVESTIGATION
Computers at more than 20 government, military,
academic and high-tech organizations were shut
down late Monday in a wave of Internet-based
"denial of service" attacks on systems running
Windows 95 and NT. Microsoft joined the FBI and
others investigating the incidents and links to
recent attacks on Pentagon computers. Microsoft
contends these attacks can be prevented with
.
The Year 2000 Millenium Software Solution
Fart A man and his wife were in bed and the man farts. His wife looks over at him and asks "What was that?" To which her husband replies "We are playing Football. It's 7 to nothing." After a while the wife farts. "Ha! it's now 7 to 7." So the husband gets a big fart brewing and lets it rip and in the process he shits in the bed. The wife asks "Did you score again?" "Nope, that's the gun for halftime. Switch sides."
Is Windows a virus?
10 Commandments of DOS
Hair color
A blonde is tired of all the dumb blonde jokes, so she dies her hair
black. Then one day she drives past a farm and sees a farmer
with his flock of sheep.
She stops and says to the farmer, "If I can guess how many sheep
you have, will you let me have one?"
The farmer says, "Sure".
She says, "112."
The farmer says, "That's incredible. You're exactly right."
As the girl is putting her prize in her backseat, the farmer says,
"Hey...if I can guess what color your hair used to be, can I have
my dog back?"
[Untitled]
Charlie picks up a woman in a bar. They get in his car, and
they're going down a dirt road to Lover's Lane, when he gets a
flat tire. He looks in the trunk, and his spare is flat, too. He
figures, what the hell, he's gonna get a little bit. So they get
in the back seat, and he's just getting off her blouse and her
bra, when another car pulls up.
He gets out, and the other guy says, "Can I help you?"
Charlie says, "You sure can. I'll tell you what...if you'll let
me use your car to go get my spare fixed, you can pork the babe
in the back seat while I'm gone."
The guy says, "You're on."
The guy gives him the keys, Charlie puts his spare tire in the
guy's trunk, and takes off. The guy gets in the back seat, hops
on the girl, and they're just about to go to it when a police car
pulls up.
A cop walks over, shines the flashlight into the back seat, and
says, "What are you doing, Mac?"
The guy says, "I'm just about to bang my wife, officer."
The cop says, "I'm sorry, pal, I didn't realize it was your
wife."
The guy says, "Neither did I, 'til you shined your flashlight on
her."
The End of The World
One day God was looking over creation and He decided that He wasn't
really happy with the way things turned out. So He called the 3 most
powerfull men on earth, Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin and Bill Gates, to
come and see Him. He told them that this experiment with life on earth
was a failure, and that in 3 days He was going to end it. So basically
they had 3 days to prepare their people.
So Boris Yeltsin convenes an emergency meeting of the Russian Parliment and says: "I have bad news, and really bad news. First of all, there is a God. Secondly everything we have worked for since the revolution will be totally destroyed in 3 days."
Bill Clinton makes a State of the Union address to the American people on TV and says: "I have good news and bad news. First of all, there is a God. Secondly, everything we have worked for since the revolution will be destroyed in 3 days."
Bill Gates convenes a meeting of the board of directors and says: "I have good news, and really good news. First of all, there is a God, and He spoke to me personally. Secondly, in 3 days, IBM will be destroyed."
This joke is extracted from rec.humor.funny. and alt.jokes.pentium All the authors/posters are credited where applicable.
Light bulb
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
Q: How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.
After Death
After a long life, Bill Gates finds himself in a purgatory being sized up by St. Peter. "Well, Bill," says the saint, "I'm not sure whehter to send you to heaven or hell. YOu did help society by putting millions computers in millions of home, yet you also created that ghastyly Windows 95! So, I'll let you decide where you want to go... and you can visit both places to help you make up your mind."
So Bill went down to hell. It was beautiful, with clean sandy beaches and goegeous women frolicking in the perfect weather. "If this is hell, I really want to see heaven," he said. Heaven was a place high in the clouds, very pleasant with angels drifting about, playing harps. Hell was much more enticing, so down he went. Two weeks later, St. Peter went down to check on Bill and found him shackled to a wall as demons tortured him. "This is awful," Bill screamed. "This is nothing like the hell I visited two weeks ago! What happened to that other place?" "That was a demo," replied St. Peter
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