Here's a letter that was written to "Dear Abby", and my response to her reply. =========================== DEAR ABBY: I am a 33-year-old "Southern boy," raised by strict parents. I have never married, mainly because I'm too picky. I'm currently dating a single mother of two. She is 29 and has a 10-year-old daughter and a 5-year-old son. I have fallen madly in love with this woman in only a couple of months, and will most likely marry her within the year. We don't live together. On several occasions, before or after showering or getting dressed, she has walked around her house with no clothes on. Of course, it doesn't bother me to see her naked. This is her home, and she has a right to do as she wishes. The problem I have is that she sees no problem in being naked in front of her son. She even showers with him. I realize this is her child, and she feels comfortable being naked around him. I was not raised this way. When I mentioned it, it caused a little tension. Am I being overly sensitive. Her son, who will be 6 in December, makes comments and whistles when he sees his mother's naked body. At what age should a parent be covering up in front of the children? Please let me know what you think. NEEDS THE NAKED TRUTH IN ATLANTA DEAR NEEDS: You are NOT being overly sensitive. The naked truth is that when a child is old enough and aware enough to whistle and make comments about the parent's body, the time has arrived to cover up. And you would be wise to be certain you agree with most of this woman's values before you jump into marriage. ---------------------- Dear Abby, This is in response to "Needs the Naked Truth in Atlanta", whose girlfriend goes nude around her home and in front of her children. He said she's comfortable being nude in front of the kids, but her son whistles and makes comments when seeing her naked. Your advice was that it's time for her to cover up. You made no mention about a remedy for the boy's behavior. The problem there is not the nudity, but the boys perception of the human body and of women. They should look into where he picked up the idea of whistling at nude women like the stereotypical chauvinistic man. He may have picked it up from the mother's boyfriend, but more likely from school mates or his biological father. They must stop the boy's derogatory attitude towards women as soon as possible, while he's still young and impressionable. The should tell him how that type of inappropriate behavior towards anybody, nude or clothed, is totally unacceptable. The mother's nudity in the home, however, is one of the best things she could do for her children. Nudism promotes acceptance of oneself and others for who they are, rather than what they look like or what clothes they wear. When children grow up in a home where nudity is accepted and common, they develop far more emotionally stable than they would without it. They grow up with a much higher esteem and self-image. To expand on this importance, I'll tell you about a story I recently read. A couple has four children, all girls from 10 to 17. The father is a nudist but the mother is not and doesn't approve of him being nude in front of the children. At least one daughter is already on the verge of an eating disorder, and the father wants to use nudism to help them improve their self esteem and see themselves for the beautiful people they already are. His wife is strongly against this, even though she had an eating disorder in college and still has a very low self-image of herself. It's this perpetuity of the idea of body shame that makes the US have the highest rates of sex crimes, pornography, teen pregnancy, and cosmetic surgery among minors, compared to countries that are more accepting of nudity where those statistics are very low. We have to stop teaching that the human body is a thing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. The nude body is not immoral in any way, but is a beautiful creation we should be proud of.--Nude and Proud in Michigan ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Here is a list of responses to a letter to Abby that I never personally responded to. I never saw the original letter but based on what the responses say, I think it was from people who had just moved into a neighborhood and were invited over for a hot tub party by their neighbors. It turned out to be a clothing optional hot tub party and made these new people uncomfortable. I think Abby supported social nudity but said in her response that the hosts should have informed the guests of the nude recreation in the invitation. ================================= [8-21-01] FAIR WARNING OF HOT TUB PARTY PREVENTS NEIGHBORS' CRY OF FOUL DEAR ABBY: While I don't disagree with your response to "Doin' What Comes Naturally," whose new neighbors objected to group nudity in their hot tub, the hostess could have handled the situation with more sensitivity. Reading between the lines, I suspect that the hot tub dress/undress issues were raised for the first time at the gathering, which put the newcomers on the spot. Good hosts should never do that to their guests. When the invitation was extended the hostess should have said, "By the way ..." and explained the situation. That way, the new neighbors could have expressed their discomfort privately, and the problem could have been avoided by keeping the hot tub covered on that occasion. In my experience, people who are uncomfortable displaying their bodies in public are also uncomfortable with others being exposed. -- BASHFUL IN ORADELL, N.J. DEAR BASHFUL: You're right. For some people, it's a moral issue; with others, it's simply insecurity about how they look. Also, a sizable number of people would rather leave to their imaginations that which they would prefer not to view in the light of harsh reality. Read on: DEAR ABBY: I was shocked and disappointed by your position regarding the "straightlaced" hot tub neighbors who didn't want to soak in the nude with the neighbors. What is this world coming to when a person of your stature condones nude hot-tubbing with neighbors? Enjoying the "therapeutic benefits" of soaking together in the nude -- unless it's husband and wife alone -- is a new low in moral behavior. -- HORRIFIED IN HARRISBURG DEAR HORRIFIED: It's neither new nor necessarily low. I have never condemned nudity -- as long as it's on the up-and-up. And while I might hesitate to grin and bare it (all), scores of wholesome people from many cultures enjoy the naturalist way of life. Read on: DEAR ABBY: My sister's pool parties (hot tub included) traditionally resulted in discarded bathing suits. Guests who were uninhibited frolicked in the waves. Those who were shy frolicked, too -- but with less exposure. The swimming usually started after dinner, after the barbecue, after sundown. When the first suit came off, those who were uncomfortable with the turn of events -- including our parents -- would call it a day. No one ever complained. Unfortunately, my fiance is too shy, so I don't get to do what comes naturally anymore. Sign me ... ALL DRESSED UP, NOWHERE TO GO DEAR ALL DRESSED: Different strokes for different folks! Read on: DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old reader who usually disagrees with your answers because I am a lifelong conservative. After reading the letters in your column from "Sleep-Deprived in Schenectady" (who complained about the noisy upstairs neighbors' love-making) and "Doin' What Comes Naturally" about the naked hot tub parties, I discussed them with my family. We have a practical solution for "Sleep-Deprived": Buy a fan to cover the noise, then send the couple from upstairs to the hot tub party!-- CONSERVATIVE TEEN IN WASHINGTON DEAR TEEN: I'm pleased that your conservatism hasn't curtailed your "liberal" sense of humor. You are a wit. ===============================