Grumble, Grumble. Nobody sent me any hot cocoa recipes. Crap on all of you. Anyway, I'm in a particularly grumpy mood lately despite my recent discovery of an entire herd of Yellow Yield Signs in my area. That's right Lars, an entire herd, and I'll be sending pictures as soon as I get back over there with a camera.
This week I've got another submission contest. Pamida recently fired me because my talent scared them, and in the process of being fired I was given a ridiculous analogy. The situation was that they claim I had forgotten to lock the door (I was set up by a fellow employee, and she's sleeping with the district manager) so they fired me. The alarm had been set, and nobody robbed the store (it was 13 below, so I'm not really surprised). And I'll also mention the door found unlocked was glass, not exactly inpenetrable if you get what I'm saying. I talked to the district manager, a perfectly retarted fellow named Bob Nordberg (you can send hate mail to rnordberg@pamida.com) and in the midst of this discussion he used an analogy.
His analogy was "If you just shot Christi (my supervisor, an equally retarded whore) and I wrestled the gun away from you, am I just supposed to give you the gun back because its yours? If I did that, who's to say you won't shoot me next?" Now, recall that I was fired for "leaving a door unlocked."
And to all of you who just said "WHAT!?!", exactly. There's a leap my mind just couldn't follow either. After reeling from the impact of not knowing what the hell just happened, I did throw an analogy back at him which ran "Okay, say you happen to come across me in an alley, with a gun, and you see a dead body. I'm suddenly guilty of murder? Shouldn't I be allowed to defend myself? There's no way somebody else shot her, and being in a dangerous neighborhood, I choose to carry a gun? And so you wrestle the gun away, you can't allow me the benefit of a doubt and simply take away my bullets? You gotta sentence me to death on the spot, huh?"
Don't you lovce analogies. Anyway, the contest is this. I want a ridiculous analogy someone has given you as an example of something. For example, "Well, getting ready for work at the 7-11 is the same as scrubbing in for brain surgery" to compare gas station cashiers to brain surgeons. I know there are people who love analogies and we've all ran into them, and thought, "that guy's an idiot" and I want to hear why. drunkfurball@hotmail.com is the place to send them, so get to it.
And we still have The Clown Chase Video. Its 4.12 MB, Extremely Low Quality Video (cut me some slack, I'm working with dial-up), and has a run time of 14 minutes and 7 seconds. A much better, director's cut edition is in the works, but for now, be greatful for this one. Its the full video, uncut. The director's cut will have commentary from the camera guy who filmed it, and I'm hoping to line up as many extras as possible. Unfortunately this means you won't be able to download it, and you'll have to contact me for a copy. But I'll let you all know more about that as production continues.
And don't forget about the Scavanger Hunt! The following items are relevant to my website, my quest, and my friends. So, take a look at the list, and if you think you can provide a digital photo of any of the following, send it in to drunkfurball@hotmail.com, and it just might get posted here for everyone else to drool over.
THE LIST:
- A Yellow Yield Sign
- The Number 47 in a very unusual place
- Your favorite Potato
- A Chair in a compromising situation (this one is open to your best interpretation)
- Anybody in a clown suit, doing something that isn't funny
- And last, and probably least, a moment from the secret life of a lawn gnome.
Here's the submitted items so far:
- An Abducted Alien
Thanks goes out to Trevor Henderson for submitting the following picture of a real-life, 100% not fake and totally uneditted photo of a real-life, 100% not fake and totally editted abducted alien!This is Pablo. Pablo was abducted in 2001 and has been missing since July of 2002. Since his dissapearance he has become an alcoholic, drug addicted, sex slave, and thanks to the United States government he can not turn his abducters in to the police since he has no green card.*
New!!ish.. Sorta. I'm redesigning this site (for the billionth time) and hoping to include great content that you have all come to appreciate from me. As this new site is in the works, I'm also presenting you fine folks with an opportunity to get involved, and get famous. Some of you remember my unfinished Soldier video. It was never completed because I never added a sound track. As is, there is no dialog, no noise, no music, not even static. Here's where the fun comes in. You, faithful veiwers, are being given the chance to be a part of the movie making experience. Some lucky web-head will get the chance to provide the audio track for Soldier. So keep watching this page for the video, and how to get your entry in for this exciting new contest.
*Thanks to Trevor Henderson for this and all other photos of Pablo, who I hope shall be a regular on this site, and also thanks for the delightful back story on Pablo.