AUTUMN in Hong Kong is a season of mists and mellow fruitfulness, where nature lovers can watch the street sleepers gradually change colour and tumble to the ground.

So there I was, sitting with a group of Hong Kong teenagers, discussing how to save the environment. Naturally, they did not have the slightest idea what I was talking about.

I decided to prod them with a leading question. "What is there about the environment in Hong Kong that you feel could be made better?" "We should get rid of bugs," said a spotty 13-year-old. "That would make the environment better. I hate bugs."

The others grunted their assent. "Yeah. Get rid of the bugs."

While I was contemplating the implications of this statement, the speaker had further inspiration: "I heard they're going to swap Lantau for Disneyland. That'll be good for the environment."

This discussion was highly educational (for me). Afterwards, I came to the following conclusions about how some young people in Hong Kong see the environment.

Fresh Air: Something you find indoors. "The air's better inside, because we have air-con."

Park: Small concrete terrace with metal playground equipment.

Drinking Water: It is a bizarre and unhealthy fetish to drink anything un -carbonated. "You drink water? Eeeyew! Why don't you drink Diet Coke, like normal people?"

Virgin Forest: "What's that? Some kind of computer game?"

Garden: Yuen in Cantonese; the second word in the name of hundreds of vegetation-free concrete apartment blocks.

Recycling: Throwing used soft drink cans out of car windows for little old ladies to pick up.

Clean Beaches: "Bahba (daddy) says it's better to swim in the pool." "Yeah, the beach is full of sharks and stuff."

Conservation: (a) The English word for chatting (king gai in Cantonese), or (b) Chris Patten's political party.

Preservation: Where "Red Indians" live.

Sunshine: Asians avoid sunshine. Adults use skin cancer as an excuse, but younger ones know the real reason is that it makes one's skin brown like that of the lesser races. "Mama makes me wear a hat if I have to go out in the sun. She doesn't want me to look like a maid."

Going Out for a Walk: Spending half a day at the shopping mall where the air is fresh (that is, air-conditioned) and the light isn't dangerous (that is, free of sunshine).

Open Space: The concrete terrace at the back of the high-rise or the fountain in the middle of the shopping mall.

Hill-walking: Something you do only if there are no taxis.

Room Temperature: Any space air-conditioned to a chilly 17 degrees Celsius or colder.

Polluted Air: Air which is not air-conditioned. One should always stay indoors, take air-conditioned taxis, and avoid country parks, so that the polluted air doesn't get you.

Walking Barefoot: An act of lunacy committed only by the obviously deranged, such as street sleepers and members of Friends of the Earth.

Spending Time in Unspoiled Natural Forest: "We went to the restaurant in Hong Kong Park last month."

Packaging and Other Litter: This looks terrible, particularly in one's hand or bag, and should be discarded as quickly as possible. But you only throw it on the ground if there is no bin within a reasonable distance (50 centimetres).

Endangered Species: The stuff on the restaurant menus in the mainland that dad chooses on his visits to the heung ha (ancestral home).

One Hundred Per Cent Cotton: What it says on the label of locally bought socks which are obviously 100 per cent nylon.

Natural Fibres: Stuff that dad uses to patch up the holes on the fibre glass bottom of his yacht.

Natural Furnishings: One child, who lived in a small North Point flat, said his parents had thrown away all the matting. Now they had wall-to-wall Tai Ping carpet everywhere, including in the bathroom. When his dad cuts himself shaving, he has to go and stand outside the front door to bleed.

Energy Conservation: A worthwhile thing to do. You save energy by taking taxis instead of walking.

At this point in my note-taking, one child saw an ant on the floor. He squashed it with his $ 1,000 designer sports shoe. Yes, have no fear for the future of the environment. Hong Kong's youth have it all under control.

First, they'll kill all the bugs.