The sun broke through clouds over there, about halfway up the horizon (it was eight o'clock in the morning). The sun was shining bright, through the still thickly falling snow, as the humvees moved off. A state police cruiser left in front of them, and one of the ones that stayed behind laid on his siren, three or four different tones at a time. My sister was crying and I held her against me as I cried with her. Lines from a song ran through my head, words I wanted to give to him, but it was too late to speak to him now. I will have to send them to him when he gets an actual address.

Hold me when I'm here,
Right me when I'm wrong,
Hold me when I'm scared,
Love me when I'm gone. (--3 Doors Down, "When I'm Gone")

We watched the humvees go by, and I studied each one through the scrunching of my face and my tears. Finally, my father said, "Look, there he is." Ed was in the back of one, clear and distinct. He held up his hand in the sign for "I love you" and he looked across at us, solemn. He held eye contact with Jill, his girlfriend, until he was through the gate. Then he was down the road and gone.

My sister and I walked together down the road, back to the car, hand in hand and still crying. On our way, we met a family walking in the same direction, and one of them asked who we had sent. I had to pause for a second before I could actually speak, and tell her that it was our brother. She said that it was the same with her, and that she knew how we felt.

We got back to the van, but we had to wait for Mom, because it was locked. We got in and she started it. My mom and my sister usually listen to a country station in the car, and thats what we had been listening to on the way to the base. The song that was playing when she turned it on was Dixie Chicks, Travelling Soldier. I broke down in the back seat until I could get enough breath to ask her to turn it off.

We went to breakfast at a little restaurant my grandmother led us to (she lives in the area). Then Mom and my grandfather brought me back to school. I had told my boss that I may be late for work (I had work at noon). I came to the conclusion that I was in no way fit to help other people today and proceeded to cry myself to sleep, through all my classes and work shifts.

Ed, I know we've argued and fought sometimes. I know that I've let you down sometimes and made you angry, but even if you never read these words, know that I love you. May Providence and all the Powers keep you safe, and return you swiftly to us.

OLP concert was great. Would have been better with two more people attending: my brother and Valerie.

That is all.