IF BARBIE WROTE A LETTER TO SANTA LIKE MOST OF US DO THIS WOULD BE HERS.....
December 2005
Dear Santa,
LISTEN you FAT TROLL,
I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties.
I hate to break it to ya Santa, but it is definitly PAYBACK TIME!!!!!!!
There had better be come changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown. So here's MY HOLIDAY WISH LIST Santa:
1) A nice comfy pair of sweats and a frumpy oversize sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker!
2) Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. What BONEHEAD at Mattel decided to cheap out and mold underwear to my skin??
3) A REAL man.... maybe G.I. Joe. Heck I'd take Tickle-me-Elmo over that wimped out excuse for a boyfriend Ken. At least make him anatomically correct.
4) A new, more 90's persona. Maybe "Animal Rights Barbie" with my very own paint gun, outfitted with fake fur and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie" sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and several packs of gum.
5) A new career. Pet Doctor and School Teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst or advertising executive?
6) Mattel stock options. It's been 41 years already, I think I deserve it.
OK Santa that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bimbo doll for next Christmas. It's that simple.
Yours truly,
Barbie
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