The 76 point purity test for non-virgins

version 1.2 by omni@circus.com - copy and distribute freely

This test rates your sexual purity. The majority of these 76 questions assume that you have had sex at some point in your life, so you won't have to wade through lots of questions asking if you've ever been on a date, stroked someone's thigh, etc. For the purposes of this test, "sex" is defined as one or more of the following: intercourse, oral sex, or anal sex. Digital sex doesn't count - you have to draw the line somewhere.

Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes"

Have you ever...

  1. had sex in three or more positions in one session?
  2. had sex continuously for 1 hour or more?
  3. devoted an entire day to sex and sexual activity (with breaks for eating, etc)?
  4. been so loud having sex that housemates/neighbors commented or complained?
  5. had your sexual technique/style/skill openly praised by someone?
  6. written an explicitly erotic story?
  7. brought your partner to orgasm using only your hands?
  8. had sex while both fully dressed (unzip fly, hike up skirt...)?
  9. had sex while both standing up?
  10. licked or sucked on someone else's feet and/or toes?
  11. performed oral sex on a woman (cunniligus)?
  12. received oral sex from a woman?
  13. used position number 69?
  14. intentionally swallowed semen (your own counts)?
  15. woken someone up by performing oral sex on them?
  16. had heterosexual intercourse using no birth control?
  17. had sex during menstruation?
  18. used whipped cream, chocolate syrup, etc... for sexual purposes?
  19. used ice for sexual purposes?
  20. used hot/melted wax for sexual purposes?
  21. completely shaved off your pubic hair?
  22. purchased a sex toy?
  23. licked someone's anus?
  24. received anal intercourse (receiving end, toys still count)?
  25. used a vibrator or dildo on your partner, or had your partner use one on you?
  26. used another kind of inanimate object for penetration (cucumber, beer bottle, anything)?
  27. been involved in use of a cock-ring?
  28. contracted a venereal disease?
  29. received money or some favor in exchange for sexual activities?
  30. given a SYMPATHY fuck?
  31. had sex with a virgin?
  32. paid for sex with a prostitute?
  33. had sex with someone 10 years older or younger than yourself?
  34. had sex with a roommate/housemate/landlord (not a pre-existing relationship)?
  35. had sex with your boss or teacher?
  36. ever had sex with two people from the same family (i.e., siblings, etc - not related through marrage)?
  37. had sex with someone the same day you met them?
  38. had sex with someone whose name you did not know (at least until afterwards)?
  39. had sex with someone who you never spoke with, or who did not know any of the same languages as you?
  40. had more than 10 sex partners?
  41. ...more than 100?
  42. had sex with two partners within 24 hours (but separately)?
  43. been in a menage-a-trois?
  44. engaged in group sex (more than three people)?
  45. visited an orgy parlor or swap club?
  46. had two or more regular sex partners at the same time, while all involved were aware of your actions?
  47. had two or more regular sex partners at the same time, without telling all of them about the others?
  48. had sex in a public place?
  49. had sex outdoors at night?
  50. had sex outdoors in direct, unshadowed sunlight?
  51. had sex in a stationary car?
  52. had sex while you or your partner were driving?
  53. become a member of the mile high club?
  54. had sex in your or your partner's parents' bedroom?
  55. had sex in a classroom, office, or other place of work (not a private residence)?
  56. had sex in a restroom of a building that was open to the public?
  57. had sex in the water (bathtub, hottub, ocean...)?
  58. had sex in a stairwell or elevator?
  59. had sex in a place of the dead (cemetery, mortuary, coffin, etc)?
  60. used alcohol to lower someone's resistance?
  61. had sex while under the influence of illegal drugs?
  62. ever taken a drug for the express purposes of enhancing the sexual experience?
  63. seen a live professional stripper?
  64. committed an act of voyeurism (watched someone who did not know you were there)?
  65. committed an act of public exhibitionism (stripping, streaking...)?
  66. masturbated in someone else's presence?
  67. had sex while you knew someone else was watching?
  68. been walked in on while having sex?
  69. watched pornographic movie with your sex partner?
  70. been the photographer or subject of a nude photo/video shoot?
  71. had pictures/video taken of you having sex?
  72. watched your usual sex partner have sex with someone else while you were not involved?
  73. practiced sexual role-playing (doctor/nurse, student/teacher, etc)?

That's it. You can use your score to compare relative experience with friends and partners, but you might not want to tell your mother.

The All-New "Don't laugh at my score" Purity Test

For the Totally Sexually Clueless

by Randy Spangler 11/19/90

I. Introduction

This test is comprised of 132 questions. It is similar to the other purity tests that are floating around (such as the 400, 500, 1000, 257, and about a dozen versions of the 100) in that it measures your general level of kinkiness. However, this test is specifically designed for those who score over 80% pure on most other tests, and are giggled at and otherwise made to feel clueless. The questions on this test are worded gently for your virginal ears. Furthermore, unless you are a complete and total dweeb (nerd, Momma's boy, J.A.P., Daddy's little sweetheart) you cannot possibly score as embarrassingly high on this test as you did on those other (filthy, horrible) tests.

If this test whets your appetite, and you think you want to experience more, then get ahold of one of the other purity tests.

All questions in this test pertain to events that have happened at any time in your life, whether you were an infant or not. Let's face it: if you've got a 96.5% score on the 400-question test, you're going to need all the help you can get.

There is no passing nor failing score for this test, but if you manage to score above 90% on this test, you are in serious need of help.

A "MOS" is a Member of the Opposite Sex. A "MSS" is a Member of the Same Sex.

All technicalities count

II. The Test

Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes".
The "submit" button is at the bottom.

    Section 1: Platonic Relations

    Have you ever:
  1. Seen a MOS?
  2. Touched a MOS?
  3. Been in the same room as a MOS without anything steamy happening?
  4. Given a back or neck rub with no ulterior motive?
  5. Had your back rubbed, when the rubber had no ulterior motive? If you're not sure, then they probably did. Isn't it a sinful world?
  6. directly asked someone whom you were not going out with and had never gone out with if they were a virgin?
  7. Told anyone you were a virgin?
  8. Hugged or been hugged by a MOS?
  9. Secretly lusted after someone without that person knowing?
  10. Dropped subtle hints to someone whom you liked/loved, hoping that they would pick up on it?
  11. Dropped hints so obvious that the entire world notices, yet had that person pointedly ignore you?

    Section 2: Auto-Erotica and Mono-Sexuality

    "Don't do that! It'll fall off!"

    Have you ever:

  12. Been aroused?
  13. Thought about being aroused?
  14. Tried to be aroused, but failed or just didn't know how?
  15. Uttered/muttered/yelled/screamed (or in other words verbally expressed) obscenities? You know, like "dang", "darn", "H-E-double hockey sticks", "fudge", and the like.
  16. Dreamed about a MOS, where nothing steamy happens?
  17. Fantasized about your long-term instructor, mentor, or someone who is superior to you? One day skydiving teachers, or two hour ski instructors and the such do not count. Admittedly, you've got a lot of latitude here, since most people are probably superior to you.
  18. Fantasized about your lawyer, doctor, nurse, or anyone else with whom you are having a professional relationship?
  19. Fantasized about anyone else not covered above? Mother, father, Pope, sister, brother, the whole family, etc.
  20. Seen the cover of a pornographic magazine?
  21. Seen the inside of a pornographic magazine?
  22. Understood the pictures?
  23. Opened a pornographic magazine, just so you could read a non-pornographic article?
  24. Read a dirty book (Harlequin romances count)?
  25. Stuffed your bra if you are female, or stuffed your pants if you are male?
  26. Masturbated? (gasp)
  27. Had your hand fall asleep during masturbation?
  28. Been caught at masturbation?
  29. Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show or any other burlesque show?
  30. Seen the RHPS willingly?
  31. Seen blatant sexual objects? Condoms, dildos, nipple clips - that sort of thing.
  32. Made an anatomically correct snowperson or sandperson or mermaid?
  33. Wet your pants?
  34. Excreted in your pants?

    Section 3: Legislative Misfits and Other Ethical Questions

    Have you ever:

  35. Administered a whole Purity Test or are in the process of administering a whole Purity Test of any version?
  36. Taken Purity Tests of any version more than five times?
  37. Dropped more than five percent on any purity test between two successive Purity Test takings?
  38. Lied on any previous Purity Tests?
  39. Exaggerated about any sexual experiences, or just plain made stuff up?
  40. Broken your word, promise, or vow?
  41. Been late to a class, or actually skipped a class?
  42. Made out a check that bounced?
  43. Accidentally listened in on other people having sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation?
  44. Figured out what you were hearing?
  45. Continued to listen in out of curiosity?
  46. Had someone else try to expose you in public?
  47. Suddenly become paranoid around a police officer, and probably for no good reason?
  48. Become so desperate you've offered money or some favor to fool around?
  49. Been offered money or some favor to fool around? As if the chance to fool around wasn't reward enough!
  50. Actually accepted such an offer, or had an offer accepted?
  51. Didn't back out once you figured out they weren't kidding?

    Section 4: Drugs

    Have you ever:

  52. Had a sugar high?
  53. Seen an alcoholic drink?
  54. Tasted an alcoholic drink?
  55. Consumed a whole alcoholic drink, all by yourself?
  56. Contemplated getting really toasted?
  57. Actually become really toasted?
  58. Inhaled second-hand smoke?
  59. Consumed anything containing caffeine? This includes Chocolate and/or Coca-Cola.
  60. Seen any illegal drugs?
  61. Taken any pain-killer type medication? Aspirin, Tylenol, Motrin, etc.
  62. Taken any medication that advised you to "Avoid operating heavy machinery or driving" while under its effects?
  63. Kissed anyone while either one of you tasted of alcohol?

    Section 5: Non-Platonic

    Most of these aren't non-platonic for the rest of the world, but for you it's probably a big deal.

    Have you ever:

  64. Held hands with someone?
  65. Had a real date? This is where you actually ask someone out or were asked out. If your cousin took you to lunch when you visited him/her, it doesn't count. That is, unless you fooled around afterwards.
  66. Dated someone on a regular basis? Like, more than twice.
  67. Had a date past 10:00 P.M.?
  68. Gone steady with someone? We're talking a duration of at least two weeks here.
  69. Slow danced?
  70. Been involved in a tickle fight with a MOS?
  71. Sat on a MOS's lap, or had your lap sat upon by a MOS?
  72. Been propositioned by a MOS (for anything remotely sexual)?
  73. Pinched someone else on the rear, or had your rear pinched?
  74. Kissed someone else on the cheek?
  75. Kissed someone else on the lips?
  76. French kissed a MOS?
  77. Given or received a hickey?
  78. Gotten so involved in kissing that either or both of you were breathing heavily afterwards?
  79. Given a back massage with ulterior motives?
  80. Given a back massage that actually got you anywhere?
  81. Seen the underwear of a MOS while they were wearing it?
  82. Seen a MOS who was obviously not wearing undergarments? In other words, saw someone who was braless or underwearless or wearing a skirt without a slip.
  83. Craned your neck for a better view?
  84. Seen a MOS wearing only undergarments?
  85. Slept with a MOS? Nothing other than sleeping had to happen.
  86. Fooled around? Yeah, this is a pretty broad topic. Consider it anything between necking and actual sex. Why only one question? It saves time writing down all those "NO" answers.
  87. Had sex or oral sex or mutual masturbation? If you've gone this far, you don't need this test any more. People may laugh at your score for a while, but you can still reply, "Well, at least I'm not a virgin."

    Section 6: Same Sex Relations

    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWW!!!!!! (Thank you, Jason)

    Have you ever:

  88. Sat on a MSS's lap, or had your lap sat upon by a MSS?
  89. Held hands with a MSS?
  90. Hugged a MSS?
  91. Been propositioned by a MSS?
  92. Kissed a MSS?
  93. Done anything more serious than just kissing with a MSS?

    Section 7: Alternate Choices

    These are all things you've done on a serious basis - not just things you've done a few times to see what it's like. If you've actually done it a few times and plan on doing it more in the future, I guess that's close enough.

    Have you ever:

  94. Been decidedly heterosexual?
  95. Been so opposed to fooling around with anyone that people aren't sure if you even have a sexual orientation?
  96. Been tied up?
  97. Dressed in the garments of the opposite sex for any reason?
  98. Been ticklish?

    Section 8: Group Sexual Relations

    Have you ever:

  99. Listened to dirty jokes in mixed company?
  100. Told dirty jokes in mixed company?
  101. Made sexual references about anything?
  102. Been tickled by more than two people at the same time?
  103. Been showered by more than two people at the same time?
  104. Helped at least two other people tickle someone?
  105. Been tickled by someone and his/her sibling?
  106. Been tickled by someone and his/her parent?

    Section 9: Extracurricular, Deviant Conduct

    Sec. 9.1 Non Sentient Objects

    Have you ever:

  107. Used a feather or something similar for tickling purposes?
  108. Put ice down someone's shirt or pants?
  109. Put suntan lotion or something similar on someone else?
  110. Attempted to have sex, oral sex, or (mutual) masturbation with a live animal, but failed?
  111. Seen animals engaging in sexual activity? Humans don't count, unless they were making animal noises at the time.
  112. Had your head inserted into a urinal or toilet bowl?
  113. Fondled a piece of underwear while thinking about what goes in it?
  114. Seen birth control of any sort? Hope, rhythm, and prayer don't count here.
  115. Bought birth control of any sort?
    Sec. 9.2. Locality
    This section is designed to measure how many places you have done interesting things.

    Have you ever:

  116. Kissed anyone in a car?
  117. Kissed anyone on a boat?
  118. Kissed anyone while both of you were on a bed? You do not need to be under the covers to get this point.
  119. Kissed anyone in a bedroom with the door closed?
  120. Had your parents or roommate or someone like that walk in on you while you were kissing someone?
  121. Kissed anyone in the rain?
    Sec. 9.3. Style

    Have you ever:

  122. Intentionally talked dirty to someone?
  123. Made noise like you were fooling around with someone, to mislead the people who were probably listening in on you?
  124. Had a family pet walk over you while you were kissing someone else or fooling around?
  125. Taken pictures of someone else in a bathing suit or other similarly revealing garment?
  126. Had pictures taken of you wearing only a bathing suit or other similarly revealing garment?
  127. Been bruised while struggling during a tickle fight?
  128. Been tickled more than 5 times in one 24-hour period?
  129. Been tickled more than 15 times in one 24-hour period?
  130. Used any purity test as a checklist of things to do or as a wish list?
  131. Participated in purity testing with an ulterior motive?
  132. Personally known someone with a purity score higher than your own?

Good going!

III. Scoring

If you're this pure, you don't have a snowball's chance in hell of scoring with anyone. However, to figure out your purity score, total up your total number of "yes" answers. Subtract from 132, and divide the result by 132. That's your new purity score. BACK HOME

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