TOP TEN CHANGES IN THE MISS U.S.A. PAGEANT IF THE JUDGES WERE DOGS
10. Points taken off for mange
9. Response to current-events questions should include frequent use of
     the words "walk" and "food"
8. Winning talent: Catching Frisbee with teeth
7. Title revoked if photographs surface of winner petting a cat
6. Contestants wearing white ribbons to promote Kennel Cough Awareness
5. New sniffing competition
4. Put your money on the girl wearing the sash made of baloney
3. Rambunctious Miss Kentucky forced to wear one of those plastic
     cones around her neck
2. Viewers might actually recognize some of the judges
1. Winner gets a Hartz Flea & Tick tiara