HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE

Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially
effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)

Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer to them only
by these names."That's a good point, Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm
going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi."

Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're
doing.  For example "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

"Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes
since you did this.

While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."

Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.

Insist that your e-mail address be:
"zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they
want fries with that.

Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about
the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a
co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized
chair dancing.

Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."

Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."

Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in the
lunchroom, when people complain that there was none...Just lean back,
pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark 17 inch paper,
99 copies.

In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favours."

If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen
while talking to others.

When driving colleagues around insist on keeping your car windshield
wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep 'em tuned up."

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc"
them to your boss.

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over
your ears and grimacing.

Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across
the room.

Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights
up the entire working area, and insist to others that you "like it
that way."

Staple papers in the middle of the page.
>
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.

TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE..

type only in lowercase.

Dont use any punctuation either

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:  "Do you hear
that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

Ask people what gender they are.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Sit in your car at the carpark at lunch time pointing a hair
dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers
in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles"

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