Dr. Suess Writes for Star Trek TNG

by Dave Fuller


Picard
     Sigma Indri, that's the star,
     So, Data, please, how far? How far?

Data
     Our ship can get there very fast
     But still the trip will last and last
     We'll have two days til we arrive
     But can the Indrans there survive?

Picard
     LaForge, please give us factor nine.

LaForge
     But, sir, the engines are offline!

Picard
     Offline! But why? I want to go!
     Please make it so, please make it so!

Riker
     But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
     We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
     The danger here is far too great!

Picard
     But surely we must not be late!

Troi
     I'm sensing anger and great ire.

Computer
     Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!

Picard
     The ship's on fire? How could this be?
     Who lit the fire?

Riker
     Not me.

Worf
     Not me.

Picard
     Computer, how long til we die?

Computer
     Eight minutes left to say goodbye.

Data
     May I suggest a course to take?
     We could, I think, quite safely make
     Extinguishers from tractor beams
     And stop the fire, or so it seems...

Geordi
     Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
     Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!

Picard
     Mr. Data, thank you much.
     You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.

Troi
     We still must save the Indran planet --

Data
     Which (by the way) is made of granite...

Picard
     Enough, you android. Please desist.
     We understand -- we get your gist.
     But can we get our ship to go?
     Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.

Geordi
     There's sabotage among the wires
     And that's what started all the fires.

Riker
     We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
     We need to go! We need to go!

Troi
     We must seek out the traitor spy
     And lock him up and ask him why?

Worf
     Ask him why? How sentimental.
     I say give him problems dental.

Troi
     Are any Romulan ships around?
     Have scanners said that they've been found?
     Or is it Borg or some new threat
     We haven't even heard of yet?
     I sense no malice in this crew.
     Now what are we supposed to do?

Crusher
     Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
     They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!"
     I can't just sit and let them die!
     A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!

Picard
     Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.

Crusher
     They may be dead by Tuesday noon.

     *COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
     HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*

Worf
     The saboteur is in the brig.
     He's very strong and very big.
     I had my phaser set on stun --
     A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
     He would not budge, he would not fall,
     He would not stun, no, not at all!
     He changed into a stranger form
     All soft and purple, round and warm.

Picard
     Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
     Did you see this creature morph?

Worf
     I did and then I beat him fairly.
     Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.

Riker
     My commendations, Klingon friend!
     Our troubles now are at an end!

Crusher
     Now let's get our ship to fly
     And orbit yonder Indran sky!

Picard
     LaForge, please tell me we can go...?

Geordi
     Yes, sir, we can.

Picard
     Then make it so!

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