MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE:
(for immediate release)

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Texas
edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped
outside Texas.  If you have one of the Texas editions you may need some help
understanding the commands.

The Texas edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.

It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee
super imposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke
screen saver.

Also note:

Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse,
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption,
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys,
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard,
Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive,
Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.

Other features:

Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a
garbage bag and duct tape.

OK = 3D ats aww-right
cancel = 3D hail no
reset = 3D awa shoot
yes = 3D shore
no = 3D Naaaa
find = 3D hunt-fer it
go to = 3D over yonder
back = 3D back yonder
help = 3D hep me out here
stop = 3D ternit off
start = 3D crank it up
settings = 3D sittins
programs = 3D stuff at does stuff
documents = 3D stuff I done done

Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters
or
punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98:
tiperiter................A word processor
colering book............a graphics program
addin mershene...........calculator
scratch paper ...........notepad
jupe-box ................CD Player
inner-net................Microsoft Explorer
pichers..................A graphics viewer
IRS......................M/S accounting software
IRS2.....................M/S accounting software with hidden files
coon dog.................American kennel club records
fishin...................Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records.
NRA......................National Rifle Association
shot gun ................Remington Arms price list
riffel...................Winchester price list
pisstel..................Smith & Wesson price list
truck....................Ford & Chevrolet dealers in GA. by zip code
house....................Nearest Mobil home repair service by zip code
car .....................same as truck, just need two lists in Texas
cuzzins..................family history usually a 3 meg file
tax records..............usually an empty file
shells...................ammunition inventory, another 3 meg file
bud......................list of Budwiser dealers by zip code
racin....................NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV
                         stations that carry the race
car n' truck Parts.......nearest Junk yard by zip code
doc .....................veterinarians by zip code

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you
received a
copy of
the Texas edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a
replacement version.

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