The following are actual excerpts
from classified sections of various
city newspapers.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us
once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced
yard, meals, and smacks included.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be
willing to travel.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience
preferred.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round
bottom for efficient beating.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head
illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Dinner Special-Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25;
Children $2.00

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick
legs and large drawers.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get
an extra pair to take home, too.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do
it carefully by hand.

For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in
beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family
appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the
hard-to-find person.

Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke
or drink.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Wanted. Widower with school age children requires
person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must
be capable of contributing to growth of family.

And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched
in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension
in your home for $1.00.


  

© Richard Burk 1997-2100

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