10.  Touching scene in which iceberg comes out as a lesbian.
 9.  Floating corpses played by former associates of the Gambino family.
 8.  Instead of ocean, boat sinks in a large New York City pothole.
 7.  Several minutes devoted to a lovely synchronized swimming routine.
 6.  When boat starts sinking, captain turns on rocket boosters &
       flies that sumbitch to Mars.
 5.  Graphic love scene between Kate Winslet and the Gorton's Fisherman.
 4.  So-called "iceberg" clearly just a Coleman picnic cooler.
 3.  At end of film, everyone is saved from those babes from "Baywatch."
 2.  Passengers jump off side when Kathie Lee starts singing, "If
       they could see me now..."
 1.  The Titanic's father? Darth V

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