Top Ten Good Things About Being a 63 Year-Old Mother

10.  Baby crying? Turn down your hearing aid

 9.  At movies, you get both "child" and "senior citizen"
     discounts

 8.  You'll spare child "When I was your age..." speech, since
     you don't remember when you were her age

 7.  Baby + your dentures = hilarious "giant-toothed monster
     baby"

 6.  Get to replace Michael Jackson in Guinness "Weirdest
     Pregnancy in History" category

 5.  By the time your daughter's old enough to start dating
     really creepy guys, you'll be dead

 4.  Three words: shared nap time

 3.  Great chance to start "Bring Your Daughters to the Rest
     Home" day

 2.  Save money: buy diapers in bulk for your kid and you

 1.  There's always a place for you on Oprah

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