Drinking is dangerous... Everyone knows it, yet everyone continues to imbibe beer, wine, whisky, vodka, tequila or whatver it is they like to consume.
I'm here to warn you about the dangers of drinking... Not the liver damage and all that shit... I'm going to warn you about the real dangers of drinking... I shall list these dangers, NOW:
* Drinking will make it possible for you to think you are speaking very quietly, even though you are screaming your lungs off...
* Drinking will make you think that you are twice your normal size... And that is bad when you start picking fights...
* Drinking will make you think it's ok to dance naked in a cornfield with a large Haitian Loa named Dhambala...
* Drinking will make you think that you can prove you're tough by rolling down a flight of stairs on purpose...
* Drinking will make you think that you can prove you're tough by rolling down a flight of stairs on purpose... TWICE!!!
* Drinking can lead you to think that if you stand still people will think you're a tree, even if you're wearing bright colors...
* Drinking can lead you to urinate on your girlfriend's feet as she and your best friend hold you up in front of the toilet...
* Drinking can lead you to set your sweater on fire on accident...
* Drinking can lead you to continue to set your sweater on fire because you thought it looked cool the first time...
* Drinking can lead you to watch Robocop 2, twice in one night, without realizing it until the scene with the man playing "Born to Be Wild" on the fiddle between his legs...
* Drinking can lead you to call your significant other and proceed to say, "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! It's all your fault that I'm drunk!!!
* Drinking can lead a man to believe that it's ok to parade around a hotel in Paris wearing a short skirt...
* Drinking can lead you to think that if you eat a hot dog, you will be ok to drive...
* Drinking can lead you to think that doing you hair with vaseline makes perfect sense...
In closing, I think it's plain to see the dangers of drinking... So please, if you're going to drink, drink responsibly; Don't do things that you will be taunted for during the next 6 months of your life.
A moment of seriousness... If you are going to drink, please drink responsibly and DON'T DRIVE!!! Do it for your safety, and for the safety of everyone else that's out there.