2. All people are the way they are because of the people around them. For instance, my father wore a suit all the time, being a lawyer, and so I wore them for a good deal of my life, thinking them normal. This probably accounts for much of my dorkdom. Nobody is truly unique - there is always somebody just like them out in the world. The trouble is in finding this person(s). I have found many here on the net.
3. Pain is never caused by others, but by oneself. Ask any general, what is the best way to destroy someone? Let them do it for you. Aikido is a martial arts form that is more dealy than any other, and it just reflects people's blows back upon them. It is famous for this. But not quite so famous, but just as well known, is gossip. Gossip, though not commonly believed to be so, is an instrument of war. You use it to make someobody feel so bad they are rendered inert, and they soon kill themselves. Because gossip is not widely known to be so destructive, many people war without ever knowing it. Gossip is a tool of war. Do not use it unless you intend to start one.
4. There is your physical body, and then there is another part of you that is not material. cannot be seen, cannot be smelt. This is YOU. The real you.. your soul, as some would call it.. I call it aura. And the DNA, or lifeblood of it, is your fate. There are things that cannot be explained, cannot be dealt with by any human means, and aura is one of them. Like people, aura comes in different shapes and sizes. Mine is purplish black. I have seen very few people with that aura... we are very rare, and mostly thinkers. I believe some of our greatest thinkers to have the same aura. Cannot be proved, but neither can the existence of aura.. it just.. feels right.
5. People need their own ways to cope. Their own shields, their own helms, their own armor. There are many differing types of armor... facade masks, ego shields... some people do it by being like everyone else. Some rob from other people's esteem for themselves. Some people do it by cheating on as many people as possible, and getting sympathies from them. They think that power is the only thing that matters in this world, and they want some. Yet, power corrupts. If we could do away with our shields, we would have a perfect society. Mine, you ask? I am darker than they are. I don dark clothing, attire, and have a general menacing attitude. Yet... to do this... it turns away all. And so I am discarding the role of the dark knight and taking up the role of the fool, the jester. I play the fool. Naievity is a powerful shield, and hurts practically nobody. If you must have a shielf, let it not be violence, mental or physical, but let it be love. If you cannot love... please... don't don spiked armor for that. The day will come where we will all be in the light and will take our masks off, and truly see each other for the first time. Prepare yourself for that point.
6. This topic.. is about people I would call Dark Paladins, for lack of a better term. They are ... leeches, in an aspect. They find someone elevated above them and bring them up to them by any means possible, even if it means bringing the other down to their level. These people think they know what they do, and that it is right. These people I warn you all of, for they can be the most dangerous. A Paladin for any purpose is truly powerful. Yet.. when these Paladins decide to 'protect' someone, they end up doing only harm. What they can do is as simple as miscommunicate, all the way up to ...lord knows what. I warn you of them for if you speak to someone through them and they do not deem you worthy.... they will try to sabotage it. Some people are not Dark Paladins, they merely seem to be one. I may know one in my life, but I don't think so. Please... don't accuse people of being them, but look out for them. They are destroyers of lives.
7. How foolish we are as children.... how foolish we all are.. we live by our own rules because society hasn't taken it's firm grasp on our minds yet... and we're free. So free... we make friends... we grow up.. we dance.. we kiss... we go our seperate ways.. so why does it hurt so much? Childhood is a special thing, everyone knows this on some base level. The people you make friends with when children share a sacred bond with you because they knew you when they were innocent and unspoiled... just as you knew them. The tightest friendships only occur at young ages... and all the more is it tragic when they fall apart.. a group of five friends could die, be seperated all too easily by growing up... it is turbulent, but this is something the parents will never tell you about. I know. I lost my youth friends this way. We all were so close... just the eight of us... our class... we had reunions every year, we couldn't stand to be apart. We grew up. We never grew out of it totally... but we grew up... it seperated our bond, and we lost each other. Looking back, I know I was a fool. If you can read this before you grow up.. before you enter high school, call your old friend up right now and invite him/her to a sleep over.. you never want to lose those friends ever.. because they will hurt the most.... even when you don't realize it.
8. Purity. It's a concept all of us are familiar with at least a little. I am here to tell you it is the most precious thing in the entire world. Love may be important, but preserving purity, preserving perfect innocence is more important. Let me tell you of my past. My elementary school was very tiny and private. There we were all taught of many things, yet not taught others, not ...exposed. We came out, we shone with purity. Nay, we glimmered.... I look at a picture of us as I write this and nearly cry.... how the mighty fall. I am a lone survivor. Come middle school... they all fell. One got into drugs... another into sports... all of them being corrupted by everything around them... why I survived... I do not know. Some are tarnished, some are their own nemeses.... it saddens me to look upon a picture of our old class... I used to love one of them. I drew little red hearts on all the pictures of her.... and I nearly weep... for she is a druggie now... and she was one of our brightest. She shone radiantly... if you know ANYONE pure... anyone that has kept their innocence.... please, do not wait! Approach them! Love them! Protect them from the damned corrupting forces of this cruel world! Purity is a concept that is very hard to accept... I hope you can... and you may weep as well... but know this : Knowing this... you may be able to help others.
9. ....all I've just written has been false to a degree. I live in a fantasy world, I'm just a kid myself in some ways. Not mature enough to handle what happens out there. Can't handle that people change, the people I knew died. But.. I am one of those people, too. We all are. We all change. You CAN'T save someone who doesn't want to be saved.. you cannot persuade someone who doesn't want to be persuaded. We grow up for a reason - if we stay children, then everything we see will be from a child's perspective, and that is a very dangerous thing... you don't see some things coming... and being in a relationship where one has the emotions of a child and the other does not is very dangerous indeed. For both of you. You are no longer a child the day you become self-aware... the day you realize your faults and set out to correct them. That is when you are mature, that is a day you have to set out for.
10. (this is my big ol rant derived largely from Neon Genesis Evangelion, and it isn't exactly in complete sentences, so... uhm... just hang on, ok?)
I am suddenly aware of me as I am, not how I percieve myself; it's an amalgamation of how everyone sees me, how I filter that is my self-awareness, my own perception. We are a race that is a walking paradox; we feel a void within ourselves that can be filled only with each other,, but it hurts to be one with each
other, and we fear becoming one. We poke and we crowd each other, being together is painful, so we shut ourselves out from the world, but that isn't any better either, becasue when you have nobody else's input, how do you know who you are?! You can only balance who you are by what others see, then how you filter it; if you have nothing to filter, you become whatever
strikes your mind at the time, but since you are that to only yourself, you are not! You are... nothing! Being alone is the same as death! If you have nobody, then that is the ultimate unbalancing of the self, because you don't have any parts to amalgamate into your self-perception; into the you!
To have a crush on someone is merely to want them more closely integrated into yourself, to take your mind off this void, to fill the void no matter how temporarily! To want someone you do not know is sacred, because there is something you've seen which you need within you, that you can get from this person, whether you amalgamate them into you yourself or not! We may be all individuals, but we each want to become a myriad being; until humanity is nothing but 2 trillion beings with 2 trillion soulsm, memories, and beings in each one. To want someone else amalgamated should be sacred, not scary, but yet, we have lost touch with the myriad being we once were, and seek to liberate this through the internet, a sea of souls! But an internet is not good enough, we need a interbeingnet, an amalgamation!
Anxiety, depression, fear, these are all manifestations of a void in your soul; you want them destroyed, but to amalgamate everything into you and fill this void destroys the you; you can't exist if you are but one of 2 trillion thoughts! This is why there is monogamy; we can each be individuals and fill the void with some people. But some are ambitious enough to try and fill it with everyone, and they are likely to go mad. Death and amalgamation; they are the end and beginning of new forms of life; in death, we are not all focused into one, while we are with Human Instrumentality. The human soul is incomplete! We need the puzzle pieces back in our hearts, but we have become so far apart that we will not give each other to each other, we must go through trial and tribulation to gain amalgamation! It's insane, but we pay the price for the individual! To be alone is to die, to be together is merely pain, and possibly completion.
Those who can't stand the pain are weak, and kill themselves in the vain hope that there is completion through death, but how can souls communicate with each other when they're dead?! We are put here to learn this, and everything we can! We are put here for amalgamation! For completion! Yet we spurn each other every day because we are afraid of amalgamation, but it is our greatest - our ONLY - wish! We fear what is on the other side of the door marked Human Instrumentality - a reality, perhaps, where the self does not exist anymore; a reality where you are a thought in a stream of trillions; a reality of interconnection. But we long to open that Pandora's Box, because we are CURIOUS! It gnaws at us, the void within this box, trying to eat us alive, and it IS the souls of everyone that is not you!
Everyone is trying to eat you, but they are yet not you, and that is why; they must know how you taste, to fill their own void, to feed the souls feeding on them! The key to this is your self-perception; you only see what you want to see!
That is how powerful you are! You destroy and create an entire reality with the force of your brain! You create your own self-esteem! You don't have to pay attention to the voices in the void that don't like you; only those that do! Then you can weather the voices that don't, and perhaps even achieve amalgamation; if you are brave enough to dare it. What holds everyone back from amalgamation is the self-perception; if you fear, you do not give to others, you keep to yourself. Self-perception is greed. Were we not greedy, we would have people achieving amalgamation every day! But we are, and this is a chief motivator, survivial mechanism, and stabilizer. We must not be so greedy, for those who need to learn from you, those who need your soul within theirs, with them!
You are never worthless! That is merely how you can percieve yourself, if you do not filter the void that hates you! Depressed people merely wish for people to notice them; they will integrate their souls, but they won't give anything back. This is the ultimate greed! Depression is but an act of weak will; not filtering perception. Those with weak wills never truly learn what people think about them; they only suspect. They are too blinded by the pain of letting themselves to others that they won't do it, even when they have enough self-esteem to weather even the nastiest of the void. They turtle themselves, wishing for self-esteem, but then they stay a turtle, feeding on souls, but never releasing their own! Depression is greed, when not clinicial! Just as some beings see on different light frequencies, people can only see what parts of the amalgamation that is you that they have themselves! People are blind! We seek to see everything, and that's why we need the souls of others, the eyes of others, to help us see! Is this an amalgamation for you? Does this help temper your eyesight, complete your soul, open the Pandora's Box without dying?
11. Everyone has a right to be. It is the basic right of all living beings... to be. All people have a right to their own happiness, even if it is not your own, so you should not think down on someone because they are attempting a happiness alien to your own. You do not have to like it, but you should not hate it just because it is different. It's important to realize that if something is wrong by your moral compass, it doesn't mean that it's necassarily wrong.. just different. Understand people, and you will be more tolerant, and get along better. Some people seek comfort in the arms of many; others in the arms of one. Hating them just because they don't seek your happiness is nothing more than xenophobia, one of the worst sins of man, and it leads to history's most horrible events.
12. Cynicism is looked down upon as a weaklings tool by some; a verbal shield to hide behind. But realize... how can you make satire of something if you don't understand it completely? Cynics are rarely weak, ignorant people... but they understand things. More than they want to. That's why they are so cynical; the truth is depressing, and it's their survival mechanism. The truth IS depressing... people don't die quickly from bullet wounds, even to the head.. they lie there, screaming and crying for minutes stretching into hours.... martial arts will get you killed on the street... there are far worse things going on out there than anybody would like to admit or even imagine... the cynics know this. They cynics understand this, and the only way they stop from going mad or becoming eternally depressed is to be what they are. Cynical.
13. There are little things in life we should all look for... when you look around and realize that everything is corporate sponsored... its all owned by Gates, Murdoch, Eisner, Turner, Hearst, or someone else... just look. Look for a second. Look around in the Krogers, where there's now a video store, a floral shop, and a million advertisements for the next Disney... look at the people.. they're happy there, they're secure in the moderately heated place, doing nothing more than buying some bread instead of going through the grueling process of making it. The people at the cash registers have someone else to talk to during work; they may not have the best job in the world, but it's a job, and they're off the streets. The child is riding on a mechanical pony, having the time of his life, while the parents look on, hand in hand. These are the little joys that warm your heart. The smile of a father who realizes, for the first time, that you aren't a threat to his child. The eyes of an old man who looks forward to tommorow. The innocent stare of a curious child. They make it all worthwhile, somehow.. little joys in a depressing world.
14. This is just something I've noticed about my generation (I was born in 1982, which makes me a Millenial Child or something or other.. whatever the media decides on) and the generation before it, the Baby Boomers. We're, for all intents and purposes, child geniuses. We grow up incredibly fast, know an incredible amount of data and have more technological knowhow than any other generation is CAPABLE of, and we do it at breakneck speed. We're able to become millionaires by age 16. We know the ins and outs of sex before we're 14. We can debate Marxism versus Capitalism by age 12. What does this all mean? Several things, but foremost, adults are scared of us. They have good reason; we're growing up too fast for most of them to deal with. We've been subjected to a quite thorough brainwashing and subliminal command cycle, so a great deal of us are quite stuck in the ritual of no smoking, no sex, and no drugs. And we don't rebel. But we're supposed to, and it freaks the Boomers out when we don't. So, because they're scared of these kids who don't rebel when the media says they are supposed to, who can hold rational conversations at an earlier and earlier age, and who resent being taught by idiots and having to ask to go to the bathroom for the first eighteen years of their life, they clamp down on us. What do you expect them to do? After all, they spent most of their life rebelling from their parents, not exactly respecting their parenting methods. They don't have any of their own at this point, and thus are controlled by media suspicion and paranoia.
Hm. I'm outta my trance now.... that was kind of dark and depressing... sadly true. But I feel better, having let it out. Hey? Didja like it? How iiinteresting.... Tell me about it.