Strange Sayings

• Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
• 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
• Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
• Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
• ...Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
• A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
• For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
• I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
• The beatings will continue until morale improves.
• I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
• Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
• Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
• Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
• There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
• I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
• A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
• I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
• Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
• If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
• Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
• Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
• If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
• If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
• Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
• It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
• Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
• Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
• Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
• Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
• Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
• Do witches run spell checkers?
• Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.
• Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
• Dain bramaged.
• Department of Redundancy Department
• Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
• What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
• Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
• COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
• Buy a Pentium/90 so you can reboot faster.
• 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
• Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
• Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
• My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
• <-------- The information went data way>
• Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
• The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
• BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
• The name is Baud......, James Baud.
• Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
• As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
• Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
• E Pluribus Modem
• ... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
• CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
• Does fuzzy logic tickle?
• A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.
• 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
• Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
• RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
• All computers wait at the same speed.
• DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
• Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
• ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
• All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
• Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
• Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
• Hit any user to continue.
• Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
• (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
• Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
• Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.
• Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

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