"Damn it, kids!" the driver shrieked. "If you don't shut your traps right now I'll drive us off a bridge and shut you up for good!"
The bus burst into sardonic laughter.
"Screw you!" a boy called.
"We have rights!" a girl chimed in.
I was staring at my feet, but I was jolted back to attention as the bus accelerated and hit a particularly large bump. I heard several shouts of "Damn, my cigarette!" as the cluster of kids in the back of the bus hit the ceiling and landed shamelessly in a heap in the aisle.
"I'm keeping tabs on you brats!" the driver said, pointing to a small black box mounted on the ceiling at the front of the bus. "Silent Witness," its white lettering proclaimed. A small red light stared back at us from below a mirror embedded in the middle of the box's front face. The mirror prevented anyone from deducing whether or not the witness was actually present and acting accordingly.
"Screw you!" the back cluster said.
A plastic bottle, flipping end over end, sailed from the back of the bus with uncanny speed and accuracy, striking the back of the driver's seat and bouncing into my lap. The bottle had ruptured from the impact, and proceeded to empty its skunky contents on me and the seat.
"Good one, dude!" Someone behind shrieked with laughter. Then driver slammed on the brake pedal with both feet and jerked the wheel to the left, leaving the bus stretched across three highway lanes.
"Ya want me to throw you all out into traffic?" the driver called.
"Screw you!" a boy called.
"We have rights!" a girl chimed in.
The driver started out on the road again. I checked my watch. We had only been traveling for five minutes.
There was an awkward silence. I stared at my shoes, trying to clear my mind of the smell now radiating from my lap, the seat, and the growing puddle on the floor. After a moment I heard quiet muttering; strategizing. Suddenly there was a muffled thump, and the bus lurched to the right. There was a slight pause, then another thump, strong enough this time to tip the bus on two wheels. I glanced up at the black box. Looking in the mirror, I first saw my own haunted visage; then, behind it, a blur of activity coming from the back cluster.
Thump. The cluster hurled itself onto one side of the aisle and smashed into the windows. An ever-thickening cloud of smoke drifted over them and among them. It was slowly spreading throughout the bus, threatening to claim us all. I watched the cloud for a while, trying to ignore the possibility of imminent death from the bus tipping over. All the while, it grew thicker.
"They must all be smoking a pack each, at once," I thought to myself.
The cloud quickly poured over the seats and drifted up the aisle. The foul effluvium finally reached the driver.
"Damn it! I told you not to smoke on my bus!"
"We ain't smoking!"
"Screw you!"
"We have rights!"
A buzzer sounded as an emergency door was opened. It was the emergency hatch in the roof of the bus. One of them was standing on the seats and sticking his head out through the top of the bus. I glanced at the driver, who was also watching the boy. I braced myself.
The screech of the brakes drowned out even the loud discussion about sex taking place in the back. The seats jerked out from under the boy and he tumbled to the floor. In the next instant the driver stomped on the gas pedal, and the bus lurched forward, leaving the boy to roll helplessly backward and collide with the back door of the bus. He disappeared into the choking fog, which then erupted into congratulatory laughter, hooting, and hollering.
I checked my watch. Only another five minutes had passed.
The emergency buzzer sounded again as one of the windows was opened. I looked out of my own window in time to see an emergency window kicked out of the bus and land on the speeding pavement below. Smoke billowed out into the open air, and as I watched, a face took shape in the smog. A little hand appeared next to the face, and waved at me.
Thoroughly disturbed, I quickly turned and faced the front of the bus. I looked once more at the Silent Witness, but its glaring red eye was empty and offered no solace. I heard them laughing at me back there.
Just then, the horn of a passing vehicle blew just outside my window. Out of the corner of my eye a yellow pickup truck pulled into view. Its horn blared several times more before I looked over at the driver of the truck. He rolled down his window and shouted something incomprehensible while gesturing wildly. He seemed to be directing my attention to the back of the truck. Was he inviting me to jump in? Was he rescuing me? I found myself pressing my face into the glass like an eager child at a candy store.
What looked like his grandpa seemed to have been loaded in the back, for he suddenly poked his head up over the side of the back of the truck. He grinned at me with a toothless smile. He rolled up his sleeves and made some strange groping movements before reached behind his head and producing his dentures. I raised an eyebrow. He stood up and held his arms out wide, as if to present himself, catch the wind, or take a swan dive into the concrete river below. Then grandma suddenly appeared, came up behind him, and pulled his pants down, to his delight and my dismay. The truck pulled away, but not before I clearly heard the driver's wild laughter. Grandma and grandpa joined in, cackling, while pointing at me. The back cluster applauded.
I rubbed my eyes and looked at my watch. Five more minutes had passed. It would be over soon.
The yellow truck pulled in front of our bus and the elderly couple proceeded to moon the bus driver, who in response rammed the back of the truck. I could see the roof of the school up ahead on the horizon. Then something struck me in the back of the head and fell to the seat. I grabbed it and it was soft and wet; a grape. What felt like an entire basket of them hit me, and I could do nothing to defend myself, for I could no longer see where they came from. The grapes' impact must have blinded me. No. The smoke had completely filled the interior of the bus.
The steady thumps began again as the driver pressed the gas pedal to the floor. The back cluster cheered and the driver gave one last scream of sado-masochistic delight as the bus careened into the school parking lot and through several cars. I was thrown out of my seat and into the ceiling. I heard shattering and cracking before I fell to the floor, followed by the rumbling sound of the back cluster rolling towards me. I dimly felt the weight of their mass while I struggled to pick bits broken glass out of my hair. The bus finally tipped completely over and I found myself at the bottom of the heap.
The next few moments were a blur as the sickly mass of flesh rippled and groped its way out of the bus, bringing me with it. I found myself lying prone on the ground while a dark gray fog drifted over me.
"What happened?" a classmate of mine asked.
"Nothing. Nothing at all," I said as I spat out bits of black plastic.
"Er...are you aware that you're not wearing any pants?"
Indeed, it was so.
"Dang," I said.
And so, I stood, brushed myself off, and trudged away, robbed of trousers and dignity.