I got a pet demon the other day. I'm not entirely sure where it came from. I found it in the cemetary. It was digging up the place, disturbing the tenants and feasting on their rotting flesh. This was a completely new experience for me. I just had to take him home. So, I dug up a convenient, shallow grave, broke off a limb, and waved it wildly in the air to get the creature's attention. Within minutes, we had bonded. And by that, of course, I mean that it had removed my soul through my nose through some kind of unholy gesture.
I'm the only person on the block that has a pet demon. I find that strange, although a lot of things have been strange lately since I started reading from the "Bedtime Stories of the Occult" book. Sometimes, when I feel particularly generous, I share the stories with people. The elderly living at the old retirement home seemed to be among the most profoundly affected, though I did get some funny looks from the young schoolgirls.
My faithful demon appears to be able to appreciate the stories to their fullest potential. It has wept openly after a particularly nasty story. I can see its eyes get misty when I read of the fiery pits of hell. It lets loose unworldly shrieks of laughter when I read of towns being destroyed, families being separated, innocents being slaughtered.
We have agreed to play card games every Wednesday night. I'm hoping to win back my soul one of these days, but the demon refuses to promise anything. In the meantime, I can only try to keep up in my studies. It proves to be quite a daunting task. The demon is always swooping around outside, carrying off hapless pedestrians that it happens to spot on the sidewalks. I know not where it takes them, but the victims' screams can get to be quite a nuisance sometimes. I really should talk to it about moving his lair further away from the house one of these days.
I have received several phone calls from the local authorities about getting rid of my demon, perhaps send him to an animal shelter or even the local zoo. They told me to get rid of it or they'd have to kill it off themselves. I tried explaining to them that my demon is by no means an animal, nor could any cage contain him, and that angering it in such a manner would bring down upon them the wrath of all the dark forces of Hades. I also told them that their foolish mortal weapons would be no match for the omnipotent forces of evil. They told me that I had one week to do something about the situation.
I quietly explained the circumstances to my demon one night. He was enraged, and flew off into the night, screeching something awful. He returned about an hour later, his claws stained with blood. I thought it best not to ask. Oddly enough, the calls from the authorities have stopped entirely.
I suppose we'll be stuck with each other for the rest of eternity. I don't mind, though. The demon has proven itself to be an invaluable ally. Whenever someone begins mocking me, it carries him off to the netherworld. The ensuing screams are enough to drive one insane. Of course, I don't mind a bit, and for obvious reasons, but that's a story for another day.
A pretty sweet deal for only one petty soul.