The Happiest Days of Our Lives


     I have never liked public education. When I was just a young lad, my life was changed forever in school. I had such awful, awful experiences. I tried to complain, or to fight back sometimes, but to no avail. The scars remain.

     I was sitting at my private lunch table. I didn't mind sitting alone, for most of the people in the cafeteria were complete lunatics, and I was happier not being a part of their nonsense. However, there was to be no escape. I ate my lunch quickly and used the rest of the lunch period to do various assignments or, more often than not, catch up on my sleep. I crossed my arms in front of me to make a cradle for my head, settled in, closed my eyes, and tried to shut out the bedlam around me.

     I had nearly succeeded when a sudden, loud thump startled me awake. I dismissed it as just an unruly classmate perhaps pulling his chair out from a table too quickly and knocking it against my table. However, the table thumped again, enough to bump my head rather painfully against the table. I opened one eye and took a cursory look around me, then closed it again. Then the sight I had seen registered in my mind and my eyes flew open, my head was up and I was fully alert.

     In front of me I saw two pairs of feet. The toenails were long, yellow, and curled. The stench was awful. I glanced up a little bit. I saw bare knees. I looked up and saw...

     "Oh no," I groaned. Two of my male classmates were bouncing up and down on my table, completely nude, corrupting my sanctuary and my virgin eyes. They jiggled and pranced about, and occasionally jumped against each other, their abdomens making awful slapping sounds. I pushed away from the table in fear and disgust, but only succeeded in giving them more room to dance.

     I heard a strange rhythm. Looking around, I saw the entire population of the cafeteria staring at the spectacle. They were clapping along with the unholy ritual taking place before me. My lunch turned sickeningly in my stomach. I stood and ran from the scene just as a member of the audience decided to join in the dance.

     I fled down the empty halls of the school, my echoing footsteps the only sound. I turned a corner and nearly ran into two boys who were coming out of the bathroom. An ungodly stench followed them. One of the boys held up a camera. "I heard about your site, freak. I got some great material for you to add to it." My lunch turned in my stomach once more. I ran from them, back the way I came, as their laughter followed me. "Hey! Stick around! We were going to have some burritos later!"

     As I turned the corner again I saw that the cafeteria ruckus had spilled out into the hallway. A few of the naked boys pointed at me and shouted. "Dance with us! Dance!!" Several of them began hopping towards me. I shrunk back in disgust and terror. I felt my face twitching while I was overwhelmed by the situation. I reached out and felt along the wall, searching for the fire alarm. After all, I did consider this an emergency. I pulled the switch, the alarm sounded, and I bolted for the exit while the crowd was distracted by the flashing lights. It did not quite have the effect I expected, though, as it only caused many of the people to have conniption fits and begin wildly rolling around on the floor.

     Just as I was about to leave through the front door I was confronted by several teachers. Without a word, they grabbed me and dragged back into the school before hurling me into the midst of the chaos. Within moments I was covered by a mound of flesh. As I desperately tried to claw my way out of the sadistic orgy, I saw a flash out of the corner of my eye. Turning my head, I saw the two boys from the bathroom capturing the Kodak moment to be preserved for all eternity. I gave one last scream of frustration before the pile of flesh absorbed me once more and reality gave way to darkness.

     I awoke on top of the copy machine in the teacher's lounge several days later. On top of my chest there was a copy of the school newspaper, and at the top of the front page was a huge picture of me attempting to escape from a mountain of bodies. "Look at this Idiot!" the headline proclaimed. The worst part of the whole experience was that I had to face those people each day. I never could look at my fellow students the same way again, since they laughed in my face at every opportunity as they remembered that fateful day.


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