Kevin Keegan's Tactical Masterclass

 

The sad, and perhaps horrific scenes of England's dismal performance in Euro 2000, would prompt instant aggressive measures to make somebody responsible.  The first person that came into my head was Sir Bert Millichip.  Why?  I cannot answer that.  So, all that remained was the strategy-mastermind Kevin Keegan.

When Keegan was handed power, Simon heralded, "The End Is Nigh!!!", but it seemed that the majority of others jumped onto the bandwagon.  Everyone seemed to believe that his great motivational skills would take England all of the way, and I'll admit, so did I at the time.  But at the back of everybody's mind, we knew he was awful at everything else in management.  When England scraped through to the finals against Scotland, people realised that England was being led into a major championship by a man who has only been at 2 clubs, had 2 ridiculously rich chairman, and not managed to win a single thing.  It quite frightening when you sit down and think that such a marvellous roll of honour can qualify you, when incredible ease, into the biggest football job of the nation.

Well, with all of this under our belts, nothing go wrong (of course not).  As the nation prepared to erupt itself into emotional trauma for three weeks, optimism was cautiously high.  For 20 minutes of the first game, I was just about to eat my fears about Keegan whole, but tensions began to rise.

 

LESSON 1 - RESPOND TO THE OPPOSITION (ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY SCORE)

He's a man who'd played at the highest level for twenty years, surely he'll realise that we need to 'shut-up-shop'.  However, a certain Mr. Figo strolled through the midfield, looked at his watch, waved to his mum, and then smacked the ball into the top corner.  England soaked up the pressure a bit too far.  Our seats became rather uncomfortable as Keegan sat on his arse, letting it all pass by him.  Nothing changed, no response from the man, and of course we lost.  No-one was too disheartened, because we deserved it, but what really disturbed us all was Keegan's superb motivation.  His facial expressions - dispair, disbelief, clueless - sent shockwaves of horror throughout the nation.  We all woke up in cold sweats the next day, realising we had made a mistake.......

 

LESSON 2 - PICK PLAYERS THAT ARE GOOD

i only need to say two horrifically disgusting words - Emile Heskey.  Why not give Robert Rosario a call up, or the emphatic Mal Donaghy?  When trailing behind, the figure of an on-form Kevin Phillips is the obvious choice to all those who hadn't had a labotomy.  Unfortunately, Keegan slips into this category comfortably.  It was shocking when he was put into the squad in the first place, but we hoped he was a last resort (I'd put David James up front before Heskey).  Why was he out into the squad?  Well, you may recall the match against Argentina in March 2000.  What did he do?  Incredibly, he did a bit of sprinting - but actually didn't touch the ball, which is the element of the game.  Kevin got all excited, and kept on picking him.  Keegan said he was strong, but I never seen anyone go down so easily.  It takes a bloody knat's fart to blow him over.  Unbelievable.  

 

to be continued........

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