! The lesser known programming languages !

THE LESSER KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #8: -- LAIDBACK

This language was developed at the Marin County Center for T'ai Chi,
Mellowness and Computer programming (now defunct), as an alternative to
the more intense atmosphere in nearby silicon valley.

The center was ideal for programmers who liked to soak in hot tubs while
they worked. Unfortunately few programmers could survive there because the
center outlawed Pizza and Coca-Cola in favor of Tofu and Perrier.

Many mourn the demise of LAIDBACK because of its reputation as a gentle and
non-threatening language since all error messages are in lower case. For
example, LAIDBACK responded to syntax errors with the message:

     "i hate to bother you, but i just can't relate to that. can you
     find the time to try it again?"

THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #10 -- SIMPLE

SIMPLE is an acronym for Sheer Idiot's Monopurpose Programming Language
Environment.  This language, developed at the Hanover College for 
Technological Misfits, was designed to make it impossible to write code 
with errors in it.  The statements are, therefore, confined to BEGIN, END 
and STOP.  No matter how you arrange the statements, you can't make a 
syntax error.  Programs written in SIMPLE do nothing useful.  Thus they 
achieve the results of programs written in other languages without the 
tedious, frustrating process of testing and debugging.

THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #12 -- LITHP

This otherwise unremarkable language is distinguished by the absence of
an "S" in its character set; users must substitute "TH".  LITHP is said
to be useful in protheththing lithtth.

THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #13 -- SLOBOL

SLOBOL is best known for the speed, or lack of it, of its compiler.
Although many compilers allow you to take a coffee break while they
compile, SLOBOL compilers allow you to travel to Bolivia to pick the
coffee.  Forty-three programmers are known to have died of boredom sit-
ting at their terminals while waiting for a SLOBOL program to compile.
Weary SLOBOL programmers often turn to a related (but infinitely faster)
language, COCAINE.

THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #17 -- SARTRE

Named after the late existential philosopher, SARTRE is an extremely
unstructured language.  Statements in SARTRE have no purpose;
they just are. Thus SARTRE programs are left to define their own
functions. SARTRE programmers tend to be boring and depressed and are
no fun at parties.  The SARTRE language has two basic data types, the
EN-SOI and the POUR-SOI.  The EN-SOI is a completely filled heap,
whereas the POUR-SOI is a dynamic structure which never has the same
value.  The structures are accessed through the only operation
defined in SARTRE, nihilation, which usually results in a
?BAD FAITH at PC 02AC040 error.  Comparisons in SARTRE have a peculiar
form in that the IF statement can take no arguments and simply reads

                IF;

Similarly, assignments can only be of the form

                WHAT-IS := (NOT WHAT-IS);

since in SARTRE the POUR-SOI is only, and exactly, what it is not.
Although this sounds confusing, a background process, the NIHILATOR, is
constantly running, making any such statements (or any statements at
all, for that matter), completely meaningless.

Programs in SARTRE do not terminate, of course, since there is No Exit.

THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #18 -- C-

This language was named for the grade received by its creator when he
submitted it as a class project in a graduate programming class.  C- is
best described as a "low-level" programming language.  In fact, the
language generally requires more C- statements than machine-code
statements to execute a given task.  In this respect, it is very similar
to COBOL.

THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #19 -- FIFTH

FIFTH is a precision mathematical language in which the data types refer
to quantity.  The data types range from CC, OUNCE, SHOT, and JIGGER to
FIFTH (hence the name of the language), LITER, MAGNUM and BLOTTO.  Commands 
refer to ingredients such as CHABLIS, CHARDONNAY, CABERNET, GIN, VERMOUTH, 
VODKA, SCOTCH, and WHATEVERSAROUND.

The many versions of the FIFTH language reflect the sophistication and
financial status of its users.  Commands in the ELITE dialect include
VSOP and LAFITE, while commands in the GUTTER dialect include HOOTCH and
RIPPLE. The latter is a favorite of frustrated FORTH programmers who end
up using this language.