Everyone has a photographic memory. Not everyone has film. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. Seen it, Done it, Can't remember most of it. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe. He's not dumb, he's electroencephalographically challenged. She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June flower. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be Misquoted, and used against you. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? Atheism is a non-prophet organization. On the other hand, you have different fingers. All generalizations are false. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart? He who laughs last thinks slowest. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once. I get enough exercise pushing my luck Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I just let him sleep Work is for people who don't know how to fish. Montana -- at least the cows are sane. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain just to be a Vegetarian Women who seek to be equal lack ambition. When you do a good deed, get a receipt -- in case heaven is like the IRS. Sorry, I don't date outside my species Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges. I took an IQ test and it came back negative. OK, who stopped payment on my reality check? Few women admit their age; fewer men act it. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every moment of it. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist. Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. A bartender is a pharmacist with a limited inventory. Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot. Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else. Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.