YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF...
> YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF . . . . . > > The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than > your spouse. > > You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner > table in front of her kids. > > Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies. > > You've been married three times and still have the same > in-laws. > > You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a > different night. > > Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People." > > You think Genitalia is an Italian airline. > > You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. > > Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, > y'all watch this! " > > You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.' > > You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. > > Your family tree doesn't fork. > > Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. > > You go to your family reunion looking for a date. > > Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare. > > You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, > "Gentlemen, > Start your engines." > > You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right > off its wheels. > > You take a six-pack cooler to church. > > You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures. > > The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending > on how much gas it has in it. > > You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge. > > One of your kids was born on a pool table. > > Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same > grade. > > You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie > at the House of Tattoos. > > You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front > yard. > > Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law > against it. > > You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school. > > You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife > drunk. > > Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos." > > Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.