MISC THANKSGIVING JOKES
--- Forwarded mail ---
Date: Tuesday November 17, 1998 at 7:34pm
TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY
AT THANKSGIVING BUT AREN'T...
10. "Just reach in and grab the giblets."
9. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!"
8. "I am in the mood for a little dark meat!"
7. "Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist."
6. "Talk about a HUGE breast!"
5. "And he forces his way into the end zone!"
4. "She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold
her down."
3. "It's cool whip time!"
2. "If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!"
1. "It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip, nothing
squirts out."
**********************************************************************
**********************************************************************
*****
A WISH LIST FOR SANTA
A woman was becoming greatly distressed. Her husband had lost all
interest in sex and all the various doctors and specialists they had
seen could give no reason.
In desperation she wrote to Santa Claus asking for help. He responded
by giving her special sex pills. He told her that if she put one pill
in her husbands dinner then they would have a night of fantastic sex.
He also warned her never to use more than one.
The woman was skeptical but decided to give it a try and, by god, it
worked! The woman was so thrilled she used one pill a day for an
entire month.
One day she thought, "Well all this sex has been great, but what
would happen if I gave him all the pills at once..." So, completely
forgetting Santa's warning she slipped all the remaining pills in her
husband's dinner.
Several months later Santa decided to check up on the woman and see
how his gift had helped her. A young boy answered the phone and Santa
asked him how his mother was enjoying the gift. The little boy said,
"So you're the one who sent the pills... well, Mommy's dead, sister's
pregnant, my ass hurts, and Daddy's up in the attic going "Here kitty,
kitty!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~
WHY PUMPKINS ARE BETTER THAN MEN
**Every year you get a brand new crop to choose from.
**No matter what your mood is, pumpkins are always ready to greet you
with a smile.
**One usually makes a better pie.
**They are always on the doorstep there waiting for you!
**If you don't like the way he looks, you just carve up another face.
**If he starts smelling up your place, you can just throw him out.
**From the start you know a pumpkin has an empty, mush filled head to
begin with.
**A pumpkin is turned on only when you want him to be.