RANDOM JOKES
>> Father O'Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners after his >> Sunday >> morning service as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in >> tears. >> >> "What's bothering you so, dear?" inquired Farther O'Grady. >> >> "Oh, father, I've got terrible news." Replied Mary. >> >> "Well what is it, Mary?" >> >> "Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father." >> >> "Oh, Mary" said the father, "that's terrible. Tell me Mary, did he >> have any >> last requests?" >> >> "Well, yes he did father," replied Mary. >> >> "What did he ask, Mary?" >> >> Mary replied, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down the gun...'" >> >> **************************************************** >> Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, "Bless me father, for I >> have >> sinned. I have been with a loose woman." >> >> The Priest says, "Is that you Tommy?" >> >> "Yes father, it is I." >> >> "Who was the woman you were with?" >> >> I cannot tell you... For I do not wish to sully her reputation." >> >> The priest asks, "Was it Brenda O'Malley?" >> >> "No father." >> >> "Was it Fiona MacDonald?" >> >> "No father." >> >> "Was it Ann Brown?" >> >> "No father, I cannot tell you." >> >> The priest says I admire your perseverance but you must atone for your >> sins. Your pennace will be five Our Fathers and four Hail Marys. >> >> Tommy goes back to his pew and his buddy Sean slides over and asks, >> "What >> happened?" >> >> Tommy replies, "I got five Our Fathers, four Hail Marys and three good >> leads." >> >> ****************************************************** >> A women on her deathbed called her husband and instructed him to look >> under >> their bed and open the wooden box he found. >> >> He was puzzled by the 3 eggs and $7,000 in cash he found in the box, >> so he >> asked his wife what the eggs were for. >> >> "Oh those", she replied, "every time we had bad sex, I put an egg in >> the >> box". >> >> Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 35 years of marriage, >> then he asked, "But what about the $7,000?" >> >> "Oh that", she replied, "every time I got a dozen I sold them." >> >> ****************************************************************** >> It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her >> grades >> and there is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because >> there >> is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day. Finally, the >> teacher >> says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can >> leave >> early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get >> outta >> here. I'm smart and will answer the question". The teacher asked, "Who >> said >> 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'? Before Johnny could open his mouth, >> Susie >> said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You >> can >> go". Johnny was MAD. Susie answered first. >> >> The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could >> open >> his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's >> right >> Mary. You can go". Johnny was even MADDER than before. Mary answered >> first. >> >> The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for >> you'?" >> Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy". The >> teacher >> said, "That's right Nancy. You can go" Johnny was BOILING MAD. Nancy >> answered first. >> >> Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these >> bitches >> would keep their mouths shut". >> The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny said, "BILL CLINTON, CAN I >> GO >> NOW?" >> ***********************************************************