The Great Depression

Took my baby to the psychotherapist cuz the bitch wouldn't get out of bed

Doctor whipped out a big machine that could look straight into her head, he said:

"Of course you realize, this bitch is pregnant though she hides it mighty fine,
and dontcha know your baby's due on October 24 of 1929?
Do I take it by your silence that this pregnancy is unwanted?"

Said the Doctor with a smirk, as he briskly poked and taunted.

"Bah," said I, "I have no use for this unprofessional barbarity

especially not in this age of economic prosperity..."

I quit his office in a huff, and hurried quickly home,

to console my grieving wife, bitch was talking on the telephone!

I stood before her fuming, trying to get it through her head

that a year from now we'd be standing in line, just to get ourselves a slice of bread!

Now my woman's so fat with child, doncha know I need a crane to move her?

and I put my financial well being into the hands of Mister Herbert Hoover.

Half a million boots went slogging through hell
Bitch, I was a kid with a gun

You say the strongest oak must fall
Bitch, that's yankee-doodle dumb.

With the same ferocity that a bossa nova beat thrills me

the onis of impending fatherhood and debt silently kills me

cause I'd sooner dance the Cha-Cha-Cha

than hear a fucking infantile Ga-Ga-Ga!

They're selling apples for a nickel and I only got four pennies..

What the fuck happenned to my rip-roaring twenties?

Half a million boots went slogging through hell
I was the motherfucker with the gun,

Gonna play the stockmarket of love, bitch
'til I'm yankee-doodle done..

I was rockin' and rollin' everynight, blowin' $$$ stayin' out past two,

now I'm "livin' la vida horse" cuz I overspeculated in you,

bitch.

ah, Ha!
ooh!
Ya!
It's the great depression!

Doctor: "Straight up nigga Docta, PhD
gotta a finger on the trigger and another on Eazy-E
west coast in the grave yard,
Bruthaz better study hard, play hard-
ball, wanna come clean wit' ya
some doctors wanna cut and stitch ya
bad medicine throw ya for a loop
HMO's like a bitch, while they root n toot
take your self respect and bank your loot
cap the chairman of the AMA
triple bypass special, soup of the day
roll on by where my ladies is waitin
keep the benz slowin' up at the be-atch station
I always got plenty of food on my plate
if you want some of me, take a number and wait
36"-24"-36" is
the dopest rod for the tightest bitches
I kiss all the girls across the room
baby doncha know I'm in love wit you?

"and it's Mr. Herbert Hoover on my 1-800-BEEPER
says a brother's industrial average is sinking deeper? [ha!]
whitey lost his top hat in a market crash
but I roll strong selling dime bags for cash
I paid my dues since 1922
I guess that's why they call it the blues
FDR says prosperity is just around the corner
with my New Deal he's a shoe-in at the coroner!
Black Thursday worldwide!"

Across Tha' Globe (Girl Iz Fresh)

Oh, all I ever hear from you is...
Girlfriend I'm losin' my mind!
Don'tcha want me?
Don'tcha need me?
(boys, she's fresh as the finest kind!)

Honey, I'm going out to the bar with some friends.
I'll be home late so don't wait up.
What you say?
It ain't so.
Girl, you crazy.

Oh, all the boys around the globe
(the ladies know it too)
Girls up in their Easter dresses
(fresh as morning dew)
Take your lady by the hand
(ring the Chinese love gong)
This song of mine in three-quarter time
(there is no sweeter love song)

So fucking what the girl ain't right in the head?
There ain't a sweeter ass can be found, ha-ha!
Oh, hey there honey, I was just telling the boys
how much I love having your around.
Aww, shut the fuck up.
Typical, that.
All I ever hear from you is..
Yeah, well, your mother's a drunk.

Mechanics in their body shops
(dancin' to the groove)
Oiling up their love machines
(makin' her run so smooth)
Astronauts up in their rocket ships
(and their funky outer space probes)
Got the best view of them ladies, mm
They're fresh across the globe.

Hair, Chair, Everybody's Falling Down the Stairs

At last, me and my robotic lover took ourselves to the rock'n'roll store

Said "Don't take it personal shopkeep, but we're takin' all your stuff & all your $$$ and more"

Shopkeep said "NO" 'til the weapons in my robotic lover's arm pointed straight at his head

Shopkeep didn't know what to do, he just stood right there and before he died this is what he said:

"HAIR, CHAIR, EVERYBODY'S FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS"

Which struck us as rather non sequiter but I shoved such thoughts to the back of my mind

We had to get the $$$ from the safe and escape back to outer space in time!

I lined the safe with plastic explosives, covered my delicate ears to the bang

But deep inside my brain somewheres the shopkeep's dying words still rang:

"HAIR, CHAIR, EVERYBODY'S FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS"

Hair!
Chair!
Everybody's falling down the stairs!

We emptied out the safe and that's when my robotic lover turned her HI-TEK weapons on me!

Her eyes turned red as her lasers charged; it was clear of me she had no further need!  She said:

'BABY I LOVE YOU BUT YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND
YOUR SMOOTH KINDA LOVING AND YOUR NIMBLE HAND
ARE FAR FROM CUTTING EDGE IN ROBOT LAND
I WAS NOT PROGRAMMED TO LOVE ONE MAN.'

"HAIR, CHAIR, EVERYBODY'S FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS"
(never trust a fucking robot)

Stupid Rain

Love's the kind of bee that stings you one time, baby, and never stings again

But if you'll be my bossa nova baby, baby, I could be your mambo king.

Gotta make a trip to the Home Depot, gotta check the alignment of my tires

I'm tired of abusing prescription medication, baby, can't you see my heart's on fire?

I'm the kind of bee that scoffs at love . I ain't makin' honey; I'm just cruisin' the hive.

I got Freak-Ass Bitches on My Rooftop, and I feed'em all the very same jive.

If I alight upon her redolent blossom would she offer up her pollen to my touch?

Or is she the kind of flower that comes apart when you pull on her petals too rough?

Love's the kind of bee that stings you one time, baby, and never stings again.

She's the kind of girl what gives you a hand job and sleeps with all your friends.

It's the kind of predicament stirs up the trouble in my brain,

But she's the kind of flower that comes apart in the stupid rain.

No Fun Dogsled Ride

O!  O!  This dogsled ride's no fun.  [repeated and repeated..]

Two Horses Pull Cart On Dirt Road, Start and Stop
(Over Rough Terrain remix)

[instrumental horses]

So like a gentleman I let the girl out the door first

Looked at her big boobs, it was about to burst

That really drove me crazy, we walked up to her house

She sat down on the bed and took off her blouse

I started kissing her and then she got sweaty

I looked her eye to eye said "Honey are you ready?"

So off went her clothes she was hot as fire

I said "d'you wanna do it (whatever you desire)?"

I tried to put my thing in but she said "Hell No!"

But if she does anything she'll have to go low!

Jumped up quick, told the girl to leave

She said "why so soon I gotta leave, Mr. Steve?"

I said "Honey, I know you're really on fire,

And getting burnt isn't my biggest desire."

So she got mad and walked out the back

I said "Please sweetheart, won't you please come back?"

She walked out and I slammed the door

and yo!  That was the last I seen of that whore.

lyrics originally by Stezo, from the song "girl trouble"

Sad Day For the Union Man

Over, under, around and through

I'm off workman's comp and I'm on strike from you

& the boys on the board of human resources

Withheld all my taxes and slaughtered my horses

But even from here, behind this old picket line

Strike up the band, baby, you're still lookin' fine

Oh a sad day
For the union man.

Bitch, I should've paid my union dues

Instead of buyin' you all those sexy new shoes

I usta get laid and I usta get paid off

Now I don't get paid, bitch, cuz you got me laid off!

The ballad of MC sucka DJ ain't written yet

Got me deeper in love, gotcha deeper in debt

Oh a sad day
For the union man.

How ironic, baby, this banishment

I was hard labor, you were in management

Our relationship, baby, a revealing and lyrical

demonstration of class conflict America...

The plague is in the medicine, the cure is the disease

You show me army ants, I'll show you killer bees!

Danny Gibson Shops At the GAP

[authentic sounds of danny gibson shopping at the GAP]

By God, I'm A Fine Gentleman

I'm dippin' fish 'n' chips in my bad salad cream

Put my bad bitch on the underground to Aberdeen

I'm off (my word!) to the gentlemen's clubroom

A couple games of cribbage and it's off to the pubroom

A DRAUGHT! AN ALE! A SOUR MASH!

Barkeep's mindin' th' gap and I grab the cash

Homey didn't know what hit him, and I make a dash

Up Baker Street to Trafalger Square, but I say!

There must have been a score of bobbies out there!

Aww.. blimey!

On the east to the west of the river Thames

From Sussex to Essex, mothafuckaz got game

All my Lanqueshire Ladies and my Cheshire Chaps

We're droppin' those beats and we're mindin' the gap!

By God I'm a..
By God I'm a..
FINE GENTLEMAN!

The robbery at Buckingham stumped Scotland Yard

I parked the Benz around the corner from the palace guard

I kicked him in the trousers cause he couldn't complain

Apologized for it, then I did it again.

Beefeater in a furry fucking hat so tall

Well the two of us cleaned the place out, crown jewels and all

Got away amidst a rain of gunshots and bombs

It was the biggest fucking scandal since Oliver Crom-

well, headed past Big Ben at the stoke of three

Made it back to Westminster just in time for tea

(and bisquits motherfucker!)

Ah, fuck this shit!  (fuck you!)

On the east to the west of the river Thames

From Sussex to Essex, mothafuckaz got game

We're droppin' those beats and we're mindin' the gap,

With all my Lanqueshire Ladies and my Cheshire Chaps!

By God I'm a..
By God I'm a..
FINE GENTLEMAN!

Yap Island

Well, I been to Kansas, down to Nebraska

All over this world, even to Alaska.

Buried in the snow, winter in Juno..

Babe bay bay bay baby where else can I go?

Mmm Mmm.. Yap Island.

Mmm Mmm.. Yap Island.

Sit with my honey, the weather's sunny

Pockets are broken from the heavy heavy $$$

There's evil robots what rule the world

But they can't touch me or my sweet sweet girl

Mmm Mmm.. Yap Island.

Mmm Mmm.. Yap Island.

The Maiden is Naught But Swine

Bodies hanging from the ceiling, swinging from side to side

Girlfriend standing on the edge of losing her mind

Boyfriend called up his mama, she said "Son, I know for sure

An apple a day keeps the girls away, but you fell in love with her."

Now I ain't trying

Cause the girl is only swine

No friend of Kasparov

Mister Big Machine is bored with love

Los girls sont tres fine,

mais ses sexy ways ne sont rien que swine.

When I Get My Hands On Her

She's an anorexic Venus de Milo, she likes to get high
Just a glimpse of her milk-white thighs and
My testicles descend through the seventh layer of hell..
Never knew a girl who could turn me on quite so well!

Oh, oh-oh-oh
She looks so
Fi-i-i-ine!
And when I get my hands on her
Gonna make her mi-i-i-ine,
that what I said!

Yeah.
On the dancefloor.
Everybody's getting down.
Everybody's feeling fine.
Looks like everybody is having a good time
(as far as I can tell)

She's a fresh fruit tart, made by an elf
A honey-pie crueller on the bakery shelf
Truly took a master pastry chef to cook her
And dust her lightly with confectioner's sugar
But baby, I'm posessed of a certain aplomb
And when it comes to nabbin' bitches I'm the motherfucking bomb
Cuz its one for the money,
Two for the show,
Three to keep going if the bitch says "No!"

'You don't understand how to treat a lady!'
Ha!  You ain't heard the half of it baby!

[chant]

So I asked her what she thought about maybe being my girl for awhile
She said "I don't know, I'm kind of intimidated by your style.."
Girl you know sometimes you got to take a little chance.
Don't stand there frontin' like you don't know how to dance!

Oh, oh-oh-oh
She looks so fi-i-i-ine!
And when I get my hands on her
Gonna make her mi-i-i-ine!

Doctor Jones

A natural question to ask
Is whether we can characterize
Geometrically the classes
IN HOMOLOGY
That are Poincare dual
To classes in one of these factors,
Bitch.

Lust and Desire

The deceiver and the temptress with their fiendish foe

One balmy summer's evening on the patio

Call out for tea and crumpets served al fresco
While they listen to the sirens and the sweet wind blow

LUST AND DESIRE

LUST AND DESIRE

LUST AND DESIRE
(you set my pants on fire)

On a dark deserted island in the dead of night

We see our hero, Captain James Cook stealthfully alight

And with his faithful servant, Henry marching at his right

He sets off searching for a bathhouse and some Turkish delight

When they come upon the health club it's just like a dream

The medicine man greets them from the balance beam

And charges ?$? each for half an hour in the steam

But those pretty smiling faces are not what they seem

LUST AND DESIRE

LUST AND DESIRE

LUST AND DESIRE
(you set my soul on fire)

Now I'm sitting here a strumming 'neath the corruption tree

I watch Henry and the captain jump enthusiastically

Like lemmings into the depths of the grinding sea

Well if you want to taste the medicine, you've got to pay the fee.

LUST AND DESIRE

LUST AND DESIRE

LUST AND DESIRE
(you set my house on fire)