Why did the chicken cross the road?

Captain James T. Kirk:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Karl Marx:
It was an historical inevitability.

Thomas de Torquemada:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Salvador Dali:
The Fish.

Darwin:
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Saddam Hussein:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Jack Nicholson:
'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Ronald Reagan:
I forget.

Oliver North:
National Security was at stake.

Carl Jung:
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

David Hume:
Out of custom and habit.

John Sununu:
The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

Stephen Jay Gould:
It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.

Hippocrates:
Because of an excess of pleghm in its pancreas.

Andersen Consultant:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the icit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

  /^^^^^^^^^^^\ Gestalt (Meme) of Chicken X Road  /^^^^^^^^^^^\
 /visual memory\   interassociative ________     /  auditory   \
|      /--------|-------\  memory  / syntax \   |episodic memory|
|      |  recog-|nition |          \________/<--|-------------\ |
|   ___|___     |       |  flush-vector|  spiral|  _________  | |
|  /images \    |     __|___        ___V___ loop| /"chicken"\ | |
| / of bird \   |    /deep  \<-----/lexical\<---|-\"niwatori"\| |
| \ and road/<--|-->/concepts\--->/concepts \---|->\"Henne"  /  |
|  \_______/    |   \________/    \_________/   |   \_______/   |

Linus Pauling:
A very complex chain of biochemical reactions enabled the chicken to apply force to its body and cross the road.

Everett:
The chicken only crossed the road in one of multiple parallel universes. Why didn't it cross the road in the other universes?

Turing:
The chicken's brain was in a state such that when it observed the road, it moved across the road and entered a different state. It is unsolvable whether the chicken halted.

Knuth:
The average and worst-case number of steps the chicken needed to cross the road can be determined by careful analysis. See volume 17, pp. 353-375.

Stephen Cook:
The problem of finding out why the chicken crossed the road is NP-complete, requiring exponential time to solve as we increase the number of variables being considered.

Minsky:
The chicken's behavior emerged from the interaction of a society of chicken-agents within its mind.

McCarthy:
The chicken used predicate calculus to prove that it had to cross the road, given what it knew about its situation. The program for its behavior is a recursive function in CLOS (Chicken Lisp On-road System).

Schank:
The chicken was following a standard chicken-crossing-road script.

Longley:
The chicken had no intention of crossing the road, it just did, in response to some stimulus. I'm constructing a large database of chicken-crossing the road behaviors to identify ways to control such chickens. See the following 10 pages of quotes from Quine, Skinner, et al.

Lenat:
Cyc will cross the road when it has about one million facts. Then we'll know why the chicken did.

Chomsky:
The chicken crossing the road can be viewed as a linguistic event, described by a context-sensitive grammar. However, the news media did not fully report why the chicken crossed the road.

Freud:
The chicken crossed the road having felt deep within himself that the desire of his mother was for him to do so, therefore he would please his mother and satisfy his inner desire and need for acceptance by others, therefore reaching a temporary, though unsatisfying, self gratification.

Michal:
It was a race between her and the egg; she came first!