My eyes, My eyes
Open my eyes
I can't
Too many days
without enough nights
The light blinds my soul
and sears my heart
Open my heart then
to see the darkness
The silent shadows
that sit in council
And brood over
every lack of action
Why should I sit
in judgement
When it is
MY
past at stake
Who are you
that haunts my memories
That tainted bile
of chilhood pleasure
Feared fog prayer
do you recite these litany
Out of trepidation
of triumph
Do you quake with
underfed desire
at the potential
victory of blackness
Hope against hope
that the daylight fades
And bequeaths to us
its stretching shaft
Of blatent undisguised joy
HERATIC
Betrayer of our
agonized bleedings
You would baptise my death
in enlightened sorrow
Is it your goal then
to see where our tomorrows
would take us
When I'm not through
living our yesterdays
Blood colors seep between
the cardboard shingles
of my eyelashes
The children's voices
raised in shrieks
of laughter
Punctuate our howls
of dispair
My tomorrow
Today
Open my eyes
I can't
Perrin A'Jhean
"Batshit Crazy"
Into your wide open eyes I fall staring
My voice drops lightly, octave by octave
Holding on to the
Concrete edge
of Insanity
I pull down the veil as darkness ascends
Passion
Clawing my throat open
Pure agonizing
Relief
My mouth
A graveyard rent
Asunder
Open your dead ears
Trenches filled with echoing
universal SILENCE
Ants continue to walk across the window sill
Oblivious to my rage
My pain
My hunger
My Answer
my Death
Spinning razors cut to the beginning
The contractions of the womb
Tight bands pressing through my Brain
Dividing my thoughts in half
and Half again
Can you hear the Raven's call
Can you see the black cowl smile
Can you know the peace
Unless you're Batshit Crazy
Papa
"Hourglass"
All you saw was pain
hard words and harder touches
Pain in every act of living
If you ate the food they gave you for sustenance
then you ate glass
and metal shavings with it
If you slept on the pallet they laid you on
then you laid unconscious
while they had their ways
If you breathed the air your body needed
then your gasps prevented the peace of death
their choking hands were applying
Pain
to survive the pain
As each grain of sand
that was every second of your life
dripped
one by one
into the base of the glass
The lower chamber where
you finally fled
to escape their tortures
As each grain, each second
drips down, filling the chamber deeper
hiding you from their searching gazes
As each grain, each second
drips down, filling the chamber deeper
covering your broken body with soft, caressing pressure
Each grain, each second
drips down, filling the chamber deeper
displacing all the open spaces
Each grain, each second
dripping down, filling the chamber deeper
taking all your air
Each grain, each second
dripped, filled the chamber
'till you were gone
The sands that protected
The sands that hid
The sands that comforted
They took all that you had keeping you alive
until there was no more space for anything
but you and sand, filling the lower chamber
And you took that last breath
and slept when the sand
stopped falling
::In memory of Donna::
Papa
Why I am Away So Long
Within so many hands
one life must be held
down a contracting pathway
the hands must travel to hold her
only one can hold her at a time
otherwise it gets too crowded
too difficult to actually keep her in your hands
and she can fall through
Because of her there are so many
some to do the holding
and most to be held
and fed
and read stories to
and bathed
and put to bed
and loved
Being one of the some
and not the most
is to be there to hold her
and also to hold them
and it pulls you in half
When do you hold her
and how many of them need held
right this very minute
and if she is in need
and so are they
and your two halves are trapped in the
bottleneck
She gets held
by the ones at the end
of the tunnel
but they fall
bruising elbow
and skinning knee
and crying
because it all hurts oh so much
but not the scrapes and bruises
The kissing the owies
and the brushing of brow
and peroxide bubbles
and the soothing
and the holding
and the shushing
and the wanting to cry
yourself
Because you want to take away the pain
and the hurt
and the betrayal
and the shattered dream
and the tears
and their unquestioning trust
and confidence in you
Their knowing that you will be there
to catch them if they fall again
even though you weren't
all those times before
and this time either
