101 Things To Do With A Spare Chemist

Only another 51 to get the full number - send any suggestions!

  • 1. Train it for hairdressing
  • 2. Heat it to boiling point
  • 3. Put it out of it's misery
  • 4. Pull off it's ears
  • 5. Potty train it
  • 6. Use for cosmetic research, since animal testing is not allowed
  • 7. Stick it in a big microwave and see what happens
  • 8. Give it a gunpowdered cigar
  • 9. Give it it's dummy back
  • 10. Shave it's head. Or if it's your baldy teacher, give it hair implants
  • 11. Expose it to a lethal dose of Terry Wogan
  • 12. Make it write a scientific report with the words "I, ME, YOU, HER, HIM!" in it. Don't worry if it starts to cry.
  • 13. Stamp on it's foot
  • 14. Cut it up, vacuum seal it, and sell it's body for a profit. Add salt and pepper according to taste.
  • 15. Cheap form of slave labour
  • 16. Use as a highly effecient scarecrow
  • 17. Use it to break mirrors
  • 18. Test effects of radiation on it
  • 19. Use as a car jack
  • 20. Take it for a day trip to Sellafield (and lose it...)
  • 21. Peel off skin and throw onto a pile of salt
  • 22. Use as a replacement scriptwriter for Aussie soaps (they can only get better...)
  • 23. Buy it a decent tie
  • 24. Use as a land-mine destroyer
  • 25. Use as a sea-mine destroyer
  • 26. Use as a cannonball
  • 27. Use as a scapegoat
  • 28. Replace William Haig with it
  • 29. Pickle
  • 30. Indentify as missing link
  • 31. Steal it's belt
  • 32. Steal it's suspenders if it doesn't have one
  • 33. Kick
  • 34. Donate their hearts to save a pig
  • 35. Use to man MIR
  • 36. Improve their quality of life; make them into Honorary Twits
  • 37. Give it a job
  • 38. Sack it
  • 39. Sack it again
  • 40. Use it as a crash test dummy
  • 41. Feed it
  • 42. Feed it to the sharks
  • 43. Test sharpness of knife on it
  • 44. Make them shout 'Stephen Hawkins Forever!'
  • 45. Point out that Chemistry is just a pathetic branch of Physics
  • 46. Stuff gas tap in it's mouth and light a match
  • 47. Lock it up
  • 48. Pluck it's bodily hair
  • 49. Dip it in cheese and feed it to your hamster
  • 50. Stop laughing and reload

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