i knew it was going to be a bad day as soon as it had started. the toaster had refused to toast properly, burning the bagel to a crisp, burnt black on one side, and conveniently leaving the other white and soft. i left the house with a sinking feeling and an annoying, sticky taste in my mouth, left by the milk in my tea. the only thing i could feel good about was the fact that i had remembered to put sunblock on as it was rather sunny outside.
later at school, i was staring intently at my physics text, feeling frustrated. a portait of johann kepler looked gravely back at me, guarding the text box next to him. i asked him what it was like being dead, and asked him what he thought of modern society. i was about to continue the conversation by telling him how horrid i thought physics was, when i stopped abruptly. an irrational fear: what if the picture talked back? i wondered vaguely if i were going mad. but he's dead, he can't answer. i couldn't turn the page, couldn't stop looking at him. i could only wait for him, someone, anyone, to answer. i gave up after the p.a. broke my concentrartion.
i felt tired, i wanted to sleep. i closed my eyes for a minute but couldn't sleep because of a group of superficial, giggling girls, ornamenting the arms of their boyfriends. i left.
in the test centre, i couldn't do anything. i should have read johann's text instead of simply staring at him. i was drowning in a sea of mediocrity. the sinking feeling came again.
sometime in the evening - i don't know how i had got home from school; the whole event had passed with a dream-like quality - i became aware of my body slowly becoming numb. i wasn't surprised or alarmed. after all, i hadn't moved for the past few hours. i was half sitting, half lying on the sofa, being watched by the television. it commanded me to buy things, getting angrier with each passing moment at my immobility. i didn't have any money to begin with.
then it happened - the thing that made the day a bad day, the thing the toaster had warned me about: wasn't it all pointless? someone call the thought police. i jumped up and felt the desire to scream. so i did.
