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for the Modern Masses
"New Year's Day and Your Damn Resolution"
My ears are ringing and my head hurts. The familiar scent of burnt gunpowder lingers in the air and assaults my olfactories. The smoke still hasn't cleared and my eyes are tearing up. From my bedroom window I see a huge rubber tire continuing its slow burn in the middle of the street, adding to the toxic particles suspended in the already pollution-saturated atmosphere. My car needs a wash. My wallet needs cash. I need a bath. And Ramos is still President.
Welcome to 1998.
Yeah, yeah, I know. The New Year is supposed to be the time for new beginnings, fresh starts, and second chances. It's supposed to be a clean slate on which one may pen another chapter of life, this time avoiding any pitfalls and mistakes encountered the previous years. I just can't help noticing that no matter how white a slate may be at the beginning of the year, people manage to mess it up by year's end. It's always the case. A matter of entropy, perhaps? Where an ordered system degenerates into chaos as it moves forward in time?
Pessimist? Not that it's any of your business, but: YES!
I have seen and heard of so many New Year's Resolutions tossed and thrown out the window with nary a care nor a second thought. Lofty ideals and aspirations give way to base passions and selfish avarice. Or stupidity. Promises are broken within the first three months, diets get buried in chocolate cake, and the vow to quit smoking ironically goes up in puffs of cigarette smoke. This is the case each and every new year. Why should 1998 be any different?
I guess the problem with people is that they figure "since New Year comes every year (d'oh!), I'll have another chance to do these things next year." Or the year after that. Or the year after that. The classic case of procrastination coupled with lack of self-control. Why do today what I can put off 'til tomorrow? Why, indeed?
Well, you might find yourself in a freak accident that involves a mechanical rice picker, some jello, and five cans of sardines. In an instant you could lose the need to diet. You just, well, die. It could happen. Right?
I have to apologize for being so morbid, but nothing scares people into action like the threat of death. Especially death by jello. So, if by scaring someone into fulfilling his or her New Year's Resolution (which invariably lists things which have to do with self-improvement), I will have somehow given something back to this world. So...
Live up to your New Year's Resolution before you die! You'll be a better person for it. You'll feel good about yourself. Your neighbors and friends will like you more. An atmosphere of general well-being will surround you and ultimately there will be Peace on Earth. And Ramos won't be President next year. Hallelujah!
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