1. is there a keg in your pants? cuz ide like to tap that ass. 2. would you like to play fisherman with me? You be the fish and ill throw my rod in your mouth. 3. Hey, nice shoes, wanna f**K? 4."Hey, wanna see a trick I learned in prison?" 5. "Don't I know you from the bus?" "How much were your breasts?" "Are you drunk, or is that just a lazy eye?" "You think it's impressive now, this cold sore is just getting started!" 6. Can I shift your gears? 7. lets do some math, add me plus you, subtract your pants, divide your legs, and multiply. 8. the word of the day is legs, so lets go to my place and spread the word. 9. Nice legs!!!! What time do they open? 10. lets play war, ill lay down and you can blow the hell outta me. 11. Hey he told me you wanted to sleep with me. 12. Want to play train? You sit on my face, and I Chew Chew... 13. Want to make like a boxer and give me low blows to the head?? 14.My ears are cold, can I use your inner thighs as ear-muffs? 15. I'm having a Bar-B-Que later, and If you come, I can put my meat in your grill. 16. do you have any italian in you? "Want some?" 17. Hey lets play carpenter, first we get hammered, then i nail you Helen was so beautiful, the Trojans climbed into a horse. You're so beautiful, I wanna climb into a Trojan. You must work at Subway, 'cause you just gave me a footlong. Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under. My magical watch says you aren't wearing any panties. Oh, you are? It must be an hour fast! You know, it's not premarital sex unless you plan on getting married. Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas? I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me? Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT! Go up to a girl and say "Hi! My name is Haywood Jablomee Sex is like Pringles: once you pop, you can't stop. Was your father a farmer? Because you sure have grown some nice melons! Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body? Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here. (Approach a group of women) I'm gonna have sex with you, you, and you. Alright, who's first? Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you. Wanna go halves on a bastard??? Excuse me. Do you want to fuck or should I apologize? I'm going to have sex with you tonight, so... you might as well be there. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway. Nice shoes, wanna fuck? I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good. Do you sleep on your stomach? (any answer) Can I? Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out....) Would you like to? Hey Baby! I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag! Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy? I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body? You remind me of a blue ribbon bass. I don't know if I should mount you or eat you. Can you lick your nipples? (No) Can I? I'm hard. You wet? I'm a necrophiliac... how well do you play dead? Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room? I wonder what our children will look like. Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns. Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there. Would you like to dance or should I go fuck myself again The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my place and spread the word. Let's go back to my place, order some pizza and fuck. *SLAP*. Okay, how about chinese? I like every bone in your body, especially mine. Nice shoes. Wanna fuck? I'm not trying to pressure you. I don't want to have sex without mutual consent. Oh and by the way, you have my consent. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway. All those curves, and me with no brakes. If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? Is it hot in here or is it just you? Why don't you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up. Heybabe, I was hoping you could help me out for a sec (pause)? You see a snake just bit my nads and I need you to suck the poison out. Can you help me? I have to pee and the doctor said I can't lift anything heavy. I like your legs so much I'm going to name them. This one is Christmas and this one is New Years. Can I see you in between the holidays? Do you believe in love at first sight...or do I have to walk by again? Pardon me, I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours? If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question? Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too. (As you walk by, turn around and say Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No? Damn! Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? No! Well in that case, d'ya wanna do lunch? Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself. Fuck me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before? Is it cold in here, or are you just happy to see me? (For the uninitiated - this references to erect nipples and is a redo of the classic Mae West line "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" That shirt is very becoming on you, and if I was on you, i'd becumming too! It's a good thing I brought my library card 'cause I am checkin you out!!! Are my undies showing? ["No."] "Would you like them to?" Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.? As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting something? She: What? Me! As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn! At the Laundromat, "How much bleach should I put in with my good suit?" Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank her. Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me! Damn, I thought "very-fine" only came in a bottle! Did you know that there are 265 bones inside of your body? {Wait for answer} "Yeah, and I could show you how to get one more?" Didn't I used to always pull on your ponytail in grammar school? Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes. Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants. Do you have any Irish in you? (if no…) Would you like some? (if yes…) Want some more? Do you have rubbers at your house or should I pull out? Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number? Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? [No!] Do you want to do lunch? Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk. Do you like music? (Yes) Good, I've got a great stereo system at home! Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance? (in case you caught some of her "signs", but once again, you are better off using anything but a pick-up line to start a conversation). What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room? (major supplication, but might work if she is cute and not drop-dead gorgeous, see also "Neghits explained" You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad. (same as above) You're ugly, but there's something about you that intrigues me. (to be used on a real drop-dead gorgeous beauty only, see also "Neghits explained" What would you do if I kissed you right now? (not that good for a pick-up line, but a definate step in the right direction in case you've been chatting for a while Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed? Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight? What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: add you and me, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply. Ever tried those weird prickly condoms? I think I could fall madly in bed with you. Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a moaner? Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm? "Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers?" "No." "Well, then, allow me to introduce myself." Is that your boyfriend? I think you can do better than that! Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick! Like the look of your crotch. Are you as good as they say you are? Baby, I got a backstage pass to your ass! I wanna put my thingy into your thingy. Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours. Who's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? "Hi, stare at the floor for a while would ya" "Why?" "Because you gonna be staring at the ceiling for a week." You are so beautiful that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and knees through broken glass just to jerk off in your shadow. You are so beautiful I'd drag my balls through a mile of broken glass, followed by a mile of hot coals just to sniff the tire tracks of the laundry truck that takes your panties to the cleaners. You are so beautiful I'd drag my balls through a mile of barbed wire just to suck the cock that screwed you last. Hi, do you know any good opening lines? [wow, that was tame!] Do you beleive in love at first sight?...or should i walk by again???